Studying John in Bible Study Fellowship this year has been very eye opening for me. As I go back and re-read any part of the Bible, something new always sticks out to me – God’s never changing Word stays relevant to us through the years and the ages. 

What has particularly stood out to me this time around is the bold, unapologetic way that Jesus claims that He is the Messiah, the Son of God, God himself incarnate. 

Like… what?! 

I mean, he straight up told people who he was and who it was that sent him. 

The disciples were there for many of these moments, yet Judas betrayed him, Thomas doubted him, and Peter denied him. 

C.S. Lewis’ argument of Jesus having to either be liar, lunatic, or Lord continually runs through my head as I am doing my lessons and digging deeper into the word. 

He has to be one of these things. He can’t be simply some nice man who was just passing through and taught us some nice things. The things he said are too bold, too big, too offensive for him to be just “a nice guy.”

I cannot see what he gained if he was a liar, I cannot read the Bible and watch God’s story unfold perfectly through so many different God-inspired authors to believe that what Jesus was simply crazy. 

I must believe that He is who he says he is – Lord. 

And I don’t believe it because it’s the only option left. I believe it because I have seen him living, moving, and working in the world where nothing good makes sense. 

And if I believe that he is who he says he is, I am called to live a life worthy of him and his life and his sacrifice. 

I pray that if you don’t know him, or think that he is just a nice guy who said some good stuff, that you take the time to open scripture, and to pray to him and ask him questions, and find out for yourself. 

As for me, I will I will follow Him. 

I Will Follow – Jon Guerra : https://youtu.be/vTGJx4lNgco

Today, my nephew turned 2 years old. And for the 2nd time, I was not able to celebrate his birthday with him and my family. 

Being far away from family is hard. I am often sad when I think about all that I miss out on living so far away. Birthdays, holidays, school plays, Christmas programs, preschool graduation, and the day to day things that make up who my family is. 

I know that I chose to live in Minnesota instead of Indiana so missing those things is a sacrifice that I must accept. I am confident in my decision to be here and don’t have any regrets, but it doesn’t make me feel any less sad or guilty for living far away.

Not to mention that I am already terrible at keeping touch long distance, and don’t check in with family as much as I should or would like to. 

However, my family always welcomes me home with smiles and open arms, but it doesn’t remove the sense of sadness I feel about not being around. 

So, this is for my family, on a day when I wanted to be with you, but wasn’t able to. I often don’t know if I should call or just let you enjoy the day, or just send a text, and by the time I realize I should have done something, it’s too late to do anything. Know that I am thinking of you and that I love you, and always am praying for you. I don’t know why God called me to be far away from you, but I thank you for continuing to love me when I feel that I have failed as family member. 

With Love, From Minnesota, 

Your daughter, sister, aunt – Jami. 

Standing at the peak of the mountain, she could see everything.

Most people think that the mountain top is the goal, the end of the journey. But once she reached it, she realized that after much effort and struggle to reach the mountain top, she felt tired. And it wasn’t the end of the journey. 

She still had to climb down.

Perhaps going down would be easier than getting to the peak, but she didn’t know which way to go. 

From her vantage point, she could see every option, but she couldn’t see all of it. Once she chose a path back down, she would have to face whatever she came across. 

What if she makes the wrong choice?  

What if she doesn’t like the path she chose? 

What if she chooses one and never gets to experience the other? 

What if she starts down one way and everything is smooth, but she never finds the joy of reward from her struggles and hard work? 

What if it’s the wrong way and she doesn’t make it back home? 

What if?

So instead of moving she stood frozen and still unable to comprehend what to do next. 

“You really should just go.”, she said to herself. But she couldn’t bring herself to take a leap or even a step. 

She was frozen by the poor decisions she made on the way up to the peak, and by the situations she met along the way that were out of her control. 

So she stood. And waited. For what, she did not know. But she knew it would come, in time. And then the mountain top wouldn’t seem so cold, scary, and lonely. But instead, a distant place where she had once found herself in the midst of transformation. 

You know that feeling you get when you’re faced with a decision and you don’t know what choice to make? You are immobilized with the dichotomy before you. You don’t go here and you don’t go there, you just don’t go. 
Most of 2016 has felt like this for me. After experiencing some things that I never saw coming, I have lived most of the year treading carefully wherever I go, never fully committed to one way or another. 

It does seem easier to live this way. To not have to choose, to not have to commit or stand your ground for something. It feels safe to hide away and not let yourself live because while living can bring joy and love, it can also being hurt, sorrow, tears and immense pain. 

If we are to live Christ-like lives, we cannot hide away or be frozen by indecision or live in fear of experiencing pain, or for that matter, joy and happiness. 

This year I have missed 5 blogs. My goal this month is to make up for all of those blogs while still keeping up with the regular Thursday posts. I hope to move deeper than I have before and cover some topics that have caused me to freeze and decide to go the safer route. 

I’ll be praying that through these posts, I will gain a clear view of what 2017 could look like and what God is calling me to resolve to in the new year. 

I invite you to join me this month on reflecting on 2016, and more importantly looking forward to what God has in store for us coming up. Because I guarantee you it’s not the same old comfortable routine you’ve been living out this year. 

Our God who never changes is constantly asking us to change and grow in him and in confidence of who he is and what he has done for us through Jesus. 

DISCLAIMER: Please understand that everyone is processing what has happened in this country. Everyone reacts differently to change. Some people react more gently, some get angry, some cry, some throw raging parties, some celebrate quietly with their families, some are in shock, some need to process, some don’t want to talk, some want to talk to everyone they see, some will joke about it, some will remove themselves completely from it all. And that has to be okay. Friends, we have to let each other process the change that is coming for this nation. Writing just happens to be my way of processing, but I ask that as you allow me to blog, you allow others to take the steps they need to deal with  the same information. 

I honestly couldn’t have told you that I would have this reaction to the results of the 2016 Presidential election. 

I honestly cannot tell you exactly how I feel either.  

I cannot tell you what I expected to happen, because I do not know.

I cannot tell you how I would have reacted if the results had been different. 

I cannot tell you how the world would have reacted if the results had been different. 

I can tell you that I have been more moved by this election than any other politics in my entire 28 years of life. 

I can tell you that when I saw two beautiful black teenage girls walking to school on my way to work on Wednesday morning, I cried real, genuine tears for them. 

I can tell you that my heart sinks thinking about the future of this country. 

I can tell you that for me the sadness, confusion, and emotion is NOT about the man who has been elected as our next president, but rather about what the idea of him has awoken in the hearts of certain people across the nation. 

Seeing photos and videos of CHILDREN inciting racist, white supremacist, hateful ideals in their schools breaks my heart in a way I did not know that it could. 

Hearing stories of human beings – real people – being harassed in public places because they are not white or straight or “normal” absolutely confounds me. 

For me, it’s not about a man who was elected president. I can accept that and trust in the system of checks and balances that our country has set in place. While I do not understand the draw to him and his platforms, I am trying. 

Instead, it’s about what he represents in the hearts and minds of people who have found a new shiny, outspoken outlet to spew their hateful thoughts and actions. 

It’s about the people. The human beings. God creation. People on all segments of the spectrum. My heart cries to the Lord for them, because I feel the Lord crying for them. 

I feel Him crying for the women being harassed. 

I feel Him crying for the Hispanic boy being tucked in by his mother as they weep together for fear of living in THEIR country. 

I feel Him crying for the Somalian family afraid of how long they will be able to continue to live in the “land of the free”. 

I feel Him crying for the people shouting hate for the president elect and his followers. 

I feel Him crying for the people expelling animosity for those that are different than themselves. 

And He has broken my heart for them. All of them. All people from every segment of the spectrum. 

My heart. Me. Someone who has often abhorred politics and stayed far from them. 

But I have put my hope on the Lord. Our help comes from Him. Our strength is in Him. Our God. Our king. 

The One who is sovereign over us. All of us. 

If you’ve made it to the end of this blog post, thank you. I love you. Not because of where you land on the spectrum of this political debate, but in spite of it. I love you because God first loved us and sent His son to die for me and for you. 
Amen by I Am They: https://youtu.be/txwm368ViHM

One thought. 

One negative thought. 

That’s all it takes for the enemy’s ears to perk up. 

As soon as we let our guard down, he swoops in and gladly seizes the opportunity to send us down a path of lies and deception. 

“I could have done a better job at that. I could really do a better job at a lot of things. What am I even good at? Why am I even doing this? What have I become? Who am I?”

I don’t know about you, but I can relate.

Notice how the statements turned into questions littered with doubt that ended in the bottom of the pit of questioned identity. 

The enemy takes hold of one single phrase or word or idea that we start with and he turns it around to make us question the very exisitance of who and why we are. 

That’s exactly what he wants, dear friends. He wants us to forget who we are and why we are here. 

That’s why we can’t let it get twisted. 

We mut fill our hearts and minds with truth. Rest is these truths today, my friends. 

Jesus wants you to have a full life. 

“The thief comes only to steal, kill, and destroy. I have come that you may have life and have it abundantly.” — John 10:10

You have been specially chosen. 

“But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.” — 1 Peter 2:9

You are a piece of art. 

“For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.” — Ephesians‬ ‭2:10‬

God, your Father, delights in and rejoices over you.

“The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing.” — Zephaniah‬ ‭3:17‬

You are loved. 

“But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”– Romans‬ ‭5:8‬

I can’t think of a time when self-reflection has ever been a care-free, painless experience. Typically, when I look back at my life and my choices or take the time to ponder my current situation, there is conviction, pain, discovery, challenge, and much more. None of it is particularly easy to swallow. 

There are things that I am proud of in my life, of course. Accomplishments, relationships, challenges overcome, skills built, gifts honed. 

Life, as we know, is made up of ups and downs, highs and lows and everything in between. 

Sometimes we sit quietly in the recesses of life and re-evaluate. We conjure up new selves that will be prepared to take on the next phase of life. 

But it’s often not comfortable to complete our self-evaluation. 

I find myself wanting to get on to the next phase – now. I tell myself I can handle it. That I am ready. That there’s no reason for me to sit around and wait. Just take it by the reins and ride! 

But God pulls us aside for this time for a reason. Like a Father pulling his child from the playground and putting her down for a nap. She might fight it, but he knows what is best for her, and what she needs, even if she’s ready to continue playing. 

So, when Our Father pulls us away for a special time of refinement, it is imperitive that we don’t get to far ahead of ourselves. Or that we live in the past. 

I wish things were different in my life. I have to accept that I cannot change them. I have to meet myself where I am at. God is waiting there to begin the cultivation process. 

As I sit here on the cusp of my 28th birthday, I reflect on the past 28 years and wonder at how my life has turned out nothing like I thought it would be at 28. 

I also look back and am so thankful for the ways that God has worked in my life. I know every step both toward and away from him he has used to shape me more and more into his image. 

I don’t really regret anything in my life. Perhaps, I wish that the results were a little different, but I don’t regret that they happened by any means. 

I still can’t help but wonder why. Not that I am questioning what God had been doing – I known He’s working. But at what is he working? 

27 was rather unkind to me. It has been a year of unwanted transitions and hardship and tears. Tonight as I write this I pray that 28 is different. That God do something radical with my year that glorifies Him. 

More than that, I pray in anticipation for how God wants me to move next. I pray you ask Him the same and expect him to answer. 

Here’s to 28 and to God’s glory. 

She didn’t know what to say. So much of what she had known felt lost in the current of the things of the present. She get as though she were only living. Nothing more, nothing less. 

Just living. 

Just being. 

It was sad, she thought, to only live and not to live fully. But that world didnt belong to her. It wasn’t for her. It was clearly for someone else. 

Once there was a dream. A future full of possibility. 

But as she sat there, alone, and pondering she realized that all that had faded. That when she looked at the future there was no dream, no possibility. She knew it could be there, that it probably was, but she just could not see it. It was cloudy and gray. 

But the past! Oh, the past! She loved to revel in the past! Of the joy felt and the passions pursued and the stories made. And she longed for the past. 

So she sat where she was. In the here and now and look around her for some sort of light. When none could be found, she lowered her head and something caught her eye. 

A light. 

There. 

She saw it. 

Small as it was, it was there, and it was familiar. She knew it had always been there. That it it had been given to her long ago. It keeps her warm and guides her along in the darker times, and is what gives the brighter days their light. 

She’d shared it so much with others that hers is just a litter smaller than she’d like it to be. 

But it’s hers. And she loves her gift. She knows that as small as the little light gets, it will never extinguish because she knows who gave it to her. And she knows He is yesterday today and forever. 

And big or small, bright or dim, she’s going to let it shine. 

We often think things are going to turn out differently than they really do. 

Sometimes, your dog has chosen not to pee for the past 10 hours (despite numerous opportunities) so you think it will be a quick run outside for a potty break and then head to bed. Thank goodness too, because there is some heavy, cold rain happening out there. But then your dog (who doesn’t mind the rain one bit) takes what seems like an extraordinarily long amount of time to go #1 – a highly common function, and daily occurrence for all mammals. 

You want to be frustrated and grumpy about the situation, but then there is a gust of wind and your dog breaks out of her ground-sniffing trance to pounce on a wet leaf that passes by her face. And you giggle. 

Then, you finally have the gumption to walk her down the long grassy knoll behind the apartment garages (which you told yourself you wouldn’t do, because she should just pee anywhere!), and lo and behold she pees! And celebration explodes inside both of you as you realize a warm apartment is less than 1 minutes walk away. 

God gives us just enough for today. Just enough for the moment.*

Even if it may seem minuscule, or bland, or maybe it’s not what you were hoping for, but if we choose to accept and recognize his gifts, we realize that he’s got just enough for us.*

*Exodus 16:1-4