There’s something to being able to clean out and start over. 

I began writing this blog in a “note” on my computer and before I began I cleared out some thoughts I needed to process regarding a tough situation with a friend. I highlighted them and with one click, they were gone and there was a clean, white space for me to begin anew.

We go through our days helplessly trying to erase our mistakes, the misunderstanding, the regret, the wrongdoings, the sin. We desperately want to go back to a time when things were different and seemingly easier. How many times have you heard someone say, whether in your life or even in a movie or TV show, say, “Can we just start over?”.

I always cringe in these moments, because I see the reality of the situation and how on this earth there is no such thing as a true “fresh start”. Even the most gracious and forgiving of us know that the past changes things. It changes the present, and it will inevitably change the future. 

When we run into bumps along the road, we often stand frozen by the impossibility of forward movement. We think that the only way to go on is to erase the past.

As much as we want to get rid of our past and the pain it may have caused, it can actually spur us on to deeper growth. When we learn to accept where we have been and the mistakes we have made and turn to our God of healing, reconciliation, and life, He can begin to transform us to look more like Jesus. 

When we begin to allow our past to become a catalyst for change and growth, our hearts become more tender, more compassionate for those around us. We can also recognize God’s grace abounding through Jesus that draws us closer in spite of and because our sin and we are humbled by this undeserved kindness.

It’s not easy to face your sin and hurt. It’s ugly and uncomfortable. But I am certain that by taking our sins and hurts to the foot of the cross, we will receive so much more than we could ever ask for and imagine. The best part is, we get to leave them there and let Jesus transform them into holiness, righteousness, and new life.

And God holds no record of wrongs (1 Corinthians 13:5). While trial will be certain for the here and now (John 16:33), there is freedom for us now as we live in this world under the shadow of the cross (Ephesians 3:12). And we can be certain that when we reach the final chapter of eternal life, we will truly and forever be free of all guilt, shame, and regret – living in the glorious light of Jesus. 

The past two weeks have been nonstop and emotionally exhausting.

I tend to do better when I stay busy, filling my calendar with various obligations and social gatherings. The less downtime I have, the more productive I am. It’s like some weird time management game that I play with myself where I try to see how I can fit in the things I need to do between all of the places I need to be.

Downtime tends to be hazardous to my mind, as well. Thoughts get tangled within each other and I can often spiral into dark corners of my mind that are most certainly not from God.

Regardless, I know that need the rest time. But, I need to be purposeful with my downtime. To plan out my time so that I stay on top of my thoughts and process them in a healthy, Godly, life-giving way.

I can quickly get caught up in saying “yes” to things and forgetting that I need to take time to rest. I am more comfortable in the rushing around that I am in the quiet, stillness.

Yet, this is what God has called us to do. To be still and know that he is God (Psalm 46:10), and to go to him for rest when we are weary and heavy burdened (Matthew 11:28).

Psalm 23 is a meaningful picture of what a rhythm of rest and work can look like with God.

 The Lord is my shepherd;
    I have all that I need.
 He lets me rest in green meadows;
    he leads me beside peaceful streams.                                                                               He renews my strength.
 He guides me along right paths,
    bringing honor to his name. 

— Psalm 23:1-3

When we let Him guide us, he will teach us when to lie down, when to stop and drink, when to get up and go along the path, and even which paths to take. He will restore our souls and renew our strength.

May we lean into God for our daily rhythm of rest, work, and play.

 

Life is full of unkind moments. We are sinful people living in a world broken by sin trying to have relationships with other broken, sinful people.

This week has been full of high emotional highs and low emotional lows. I’ve celebrated the beginnings of new life and I’ve had difficult conversations with people. I’ve laughed so hard I cried and I’ve cried so hard that I didn’t think I could stop.

I find myself at 9:30 on a Sunday night completely exhausted, and somehow instead of empty I feel full. Full of gratefulness that I have the capacity to experience life so abundantly, even the hard things.

If you know me, you know that I am a very emotional human being. I feel things deeply, and pretty much every emotion makes me cry – happy, sad, thankful, angry, confused, tired, joyful, scared – you name the emotion and it probably makes me cry. I think it overwhelms or even frightens less emotional people that I feel things so intensely, and a lot of times I wish I wasn’t stinking crying all the time.

But, I am fully aware that God has created me in His image – as a reflection of who He is and His character. Jesus was proof of this as he walked the earth and felt intense joy, grief, anger, despair, and more.

Throughout all of the emotions, I experienced this weekend the theme that stuck through it all was the ability to sing. To worship my creator through songs of praise and joy and songs of recognizing our brokenness. I had the chance to go to Rend Collective’s concert on Friday full of joy and energy and brokenness before God and Jesus and worship with my full heart, body, and mind. This morning, I was on my church’s worship team and felt for the first time while leading a song for my church family, the letting go of nervousness and self-consciousness and truly focusing on the words of the song and what the Holy Spirit was doing through the music.

Even through the feeling of being on the edge of the cliff and feeling like I was on the mountaintop, I had a reason to sing. When all else fades and scatters away, Jesus will be the anchor of hope in the midst of it all and we will always have a reason to sing.

For your listening pleasure: Reason to Sing by All Sons and Daughters.

 

It’s April 15th and there are 12 inches of snow on the ground with more falling steadily as I write, and I am weary.

I’ve decided what has made this particular winter so much more difficult for us Minnesotans to handle is the fact that we’ve had many glimpses of the hope of Spring, only to have them dashed by yet another dreadfully hefty snow storm.

We capture the warmer days with gusto, dusting off our lighter jackets, spring clothes, and even our sandals (okay maybe that last one was just me). We bask in the glory of the sunshine certain that this is our time! We’ve paid our winter dues and are ready to welcome the newness of Springtime and all of the fragrant relief it brings.

When we first hear the weather report predicting snow, we are incredulously pessimistic about its truth. “Spring is here!”, we shout, forgetting years past when Winter has been equally unkind to us.

Then the snow comes, and we are astonished and unprepared, refusing to succumb to the control it inevitably has on our ability to live our lives normally. Some of us hunker down for the duration, finding activities to keep us busy until Spring makes a final and lasting appearance. Others venture out wisely or not, to break free from the seemingly never-ending oppression of Winter.

My weariness of Winter is a noteworthy reflection of my weariness of life.

Life ebbs and flows, tosses and turns, and is full of peaks and valleys. We know this to be true, we have experienced it thus far. Yet, just like we are surprised when Winter will not relent, we are struck when another disappointment comes along during our climb to the peak we are certain we will reach.

Jesus did not promise that our earthly lives would be uncomplicated. In fact, he assured us just the opposite.

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”  — John 16:33

“You will hear of wars and rumors of wars, but see to it that you are not alarmed. Such things must happen, but the end is still to come. Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be famines and earthquakes in various places. All these are the beginning of birth pains. “Then you will be handed over to be persecuted and put to death, and you will be hated by all nations because of me. At that time many will turn away from the faith and will betray and hate each other, and many false prophets will appear and deceive many people. Because of the increase of wickedness, the love of most will grow cold, but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved.” — Matthew 24:6-13

There it is friends. A promise of turmoil and hardship from our Savior himself. Even after assuring us that this life won’t be easy, Jesus ends each of these with ineffable hope – He has overcome the world, and if we stand firm in Him, we will be saved.

So, in your weariness, remember that Spring is coming, as surely as it has the countless years before, it will again. Even more certain than the coming of Spring is the coming of our Jesus to bring us into the warmth and light of His eternal Spring. We need only endure the Winter for this brief moment in eternity.

“Life hasn’t turned out quite like I expected.”

I heard at least 3 people say this today.

I, too, have been a culprit of speaking this out loud many times.

What is it that shapes our expectations? Where do we get these ideas that things will turn out a certain way? Why do we desperately cling to them thinking, “If I do this or that, or if I pray hard enough, or am a good enough Christian, it will happen the way I think it’s supposed to.”

A friend called to tell me her tale of unmet expectations, today. Normally, she orders her groceries for her and her husband from a specific store and picks them up curbside. Super easy and an efficient use of her time. Yesterday, she decided to try a different store close to where we have Bible study and pick them up on her way home. There were more than a few technical difficulties and long story short, her order went to the wrong store and too much time was spent on the phone trying to have the ordered canceled and her money refunded. Expectation not met – Round 1.

So, she went back to her normal store and placed an order for pick-up today, certain that the tried and true, familiar store would offer her the safety of met expectations. In a shocking turn of events, she had thought she had ordered four oranges, but when she picked them up what she got was four 5-lb. bags of oranges. For those of you keeping track at home, that’s 20-lbs. of oranges on their way to a household of 2 people. Expectation not met – Round 2.

As much as we try not to, we spend a lot of our time focusing on the things we don’t have or that we didn’t get or that we’ve never done, on the things we got in place of the things we wanted, on the 20-lbs of oranges. On the expectations that weren’t met.

These negative thoughts and processes open up tiny little cracks left in our heart form the loss of unmet expectations. The enemy, crafty as he is, squirms his way in. He lies to us, telling us that, without those things that we thought we needed or would receive, our lives do not hold value.

And those lies begin to sink deeper down into those cracks creating rotting, burning holes that we are afraid can never be healed.

But when we turn our hearts away from what we do not have and toward God in thankfulness for what we do, we find that those cracks start to fill up with life-giving things like joy, peace, love, goodness, and eternal perspective. Perhaps some of the cracks might not ever be fully healed this side of eternity, we can be certain that when we meet Jesus face-to-face, our hearts will be more whole and full than we can even begin to expect. All our expectations: met in Jesus.

Why?

Why did you do it?

I don’t deserve it.

You had a choice. You didn’t have to do it. But you did it anyway. Why?

You thought of me on your way to the cross. While you were mocked, beaten, and scorned, you knew of the lies that I would tell, the commandments that I would break, the sin that would so easily entangle me. And yet, you kept moving toward the cross. Why?

You saw it all. Everything that I would do. How I would betray you, turn from you, insult your name, hurt people I love and those I don’t even know.

You paid the debt that I owed and drank the cup that was mine to drink. Why?

You didn’t die for the righteous. You died for the sinner. You died for me. Why?

You tore the veil so that we could come close to God. You bestowed your righteousness upon us so that we can share in your glory. You share your inheritance with us? Why?

You defeated death, sin, and the devil when you rose on the third day so that we can also claim victory over these things, today. Why?

You ascended from earth to heaven so that one day, we can do the same. Why?

I will never fully comprehend the reason why you left your throne to meet us where we were; covered in sin and better off dead, but because of it I know that I am loved and that I get to love in return.

Thank you, Jesus.

 

Comfort Zones. We all have them. They look different from person to person. Some can be bigger than others, some just surround different areas of our lives. Whatever our comfort zones consist of, one thing is common between them all – they all hinder our growth if we keep inside of them.

Some of us might be blind to our comfort zones, not realizing that we’ve kept complacent, never really stepping outside of our own little bubble enough to widen our perspective and experience true growth.

Some of us boldly push ourselves outside of them before we are ready, and face the consequences of the hurt, shame, and guilt, only to recoil ourselves further back inside.

Sometimes we feel we are on the precipice of taking the leap outside, but we can’t quite bring ourselves to do it. We are left wondering about what could have been.

Regardless, we all have the propensity to stay inside them. We are not drawn to growth and change but instead sit firmly within our comfort zones, convinced that because it’s comfortable, it’s good. But comfortability can lead to complacency, and God has not called us to this.

I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth. — Revelation 3:15-16

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. — Romans 12:1-2

Pray and ask God what comfort zones he might be calling you out of. Is there someone at work he wants you to talk to about Him? Is there a ministry at church that He wants you to begin or be a part of? Is He asking you to give up something? To add something? Is there a comfort zone that you don’t even realize you have?

Take it one step at a time friends, trust that God is waiting for you outside of your comfort zone, while simultaneously holding your hand as you contemplate a new chapter of growth and change.

“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” – Matthew 6:34

Can I get a “ReTweet” on that?

“Each day has enough trouble of its own.” …Jesus, coming in hot, with the understatement of eternity.

And yet, I find myself unable to fall asleep at night, thinking about the things of tomorrow. The things of next week, next month, next year.

Even though I cannot see beyond the here and now. Even though I cannot know what will happen in even the next 5 minutes, I still fix my attention on thinking about all of the things that may or may not happen and what I can do to prepare for them.

Preparation is, innately, not ungodly. I think there’s room to be good stewards of the time and resources that God has given us and that often involves planning.

But I know so many of my thoughts are wasted worrying about things that I cannot control or predict when that time can be better spent turning those things over to God and then growing in and praising Him.

It’s easier said than done, of course. And it seems like just when we think we have a Godly attitude about one situation, another problem to worry about lurks around the corner waiting for the world’s most inopportune time.

What is not inopportune is God’s timing, His plan, and His omniscient wisdom.

May we cling to this, knowing that ultimately the final ending of the story and that the victory over worry, doubt, and fear has been defeated.

I’ve woken up the past two days with immediate thoughts of doubt in my head. It was a ‘voice’ saying “You can’t do it. You cannot do this.” My very first thought when I woke up. What was odd was that the voice sounded like it was speaking generally, but I knew exactly where it applied to the day ahead. They were very specific pieces of my days that I had previously turned over to God, giving them up to Him for His glory.

I have to admit that at first, I believed the little lies, and they quickly began to spiral.

I believed I couldn’t do it. That I was not capable. That it was useless. That I didn’t know who I was kidding thinking I could do it. That I just wouldn’t do it. That I would give up.

But then, as I started to gain my consciousness, and start my day, I spoke truth against the lie I had been told when I woke up.

That I am chosen to be God’s very own possession, royal and holy, to show other’s the Glory of God. (2 Peter 2:9)

That I am God’s masterpiece created anew in Christ Jesus so that I can do the good things he has planned for me. (Ephesians 2:10)

That I am strong in my weaknesses because of Christ’s power made perfect. (2 Corinthians 12:9-10)

Friends, my prayer is that when the enemy plants those doubts in your head that you turn your eyes to The Way, The Truth, and The Life. It’s certainly not easy, this daily battle that wages for our hearts, minds, and bodies. But, I know the end of the story, and the war has already been won. In the meantime, we can choose to believe the truth over the lies.