My past week has been overwhelming and filled with nothing but rushing around from one thing to the next. Not only did this monstrosity of a week take up much of my time, but my mental space was at capacity. I ended the week allowing myself the freedom of only having to think about what I was currently doing.

I took each moment one step at a time, allowing myself the freedom to only the only think about the next thing when I was finished with the current. I was amazed at all of the “future questions: from other people that I was getting in the midst of this. Maybe people ask stuff like this all the time, and because I usually have a plan, I typically have an answer. Even when I told these well-intentioned friends that I wasn’t really thinking that far ahead, they followed up with more “future questions” after.

That’s how we are. The world around us wires us to plan for the future and expect everyone to have a plan that follows some seemingly logical set of rules that have been formed over years of asserting our expectations on to the next generation.

We also want to know what’s next. We want to peek into the future to see what’s around the bend so that we can comfort ourselves in the present with the knowledge of what is to come.

But, those moments when I only allowed myself to think about the current task at hand and leave the next for the next moment, were freeing. It allowed me to feel lighter and free up some headspace to focus on the task at hand.

I believe that despite our society of planning and preparing and storing and saving for the future for the “just in case” that God actually calls us to instead, be fully present in each and every moment and only move on to the next when the time is right.

“So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?’ These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need. — Matthew 6:31-33

At the moment I have all I need—and more! I am generously supplied with the gifts you sent me with Epaphroditus. They are a sweet-smelling sacrifice that is acceptable and pleasing to God. And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus. – Philippians 4:18-19

There is great freedom and peace in letting go and giving control (and I mean really giving up the need to have it figured out) to God, trusting that he can do immeasurably more than we can ever ask or imagine. (Ephesians 3:20-21).

My prayer is that you and I can practice this trust exercise daily in the small things so that when the big stuff comes along, the abandoning of control will be easier to achieve.

I don’t know where people get this idea that Christians are supposed to have a perfect, easy life. Clearly, they’ve never read the Bible, or if they did they’ve had a severe memory lapse regarding the actual content of it.

Since the beginning of time, God’s people have struggled. Death, murder, adultery, incest, poverty, homelessness, war – you name it, it’s in the Bible. There’s no guise of a pretty life, packaged neatly, tied with a bow and delivered to them as soon as they acknowledge that God is God. Scripture is true to life as we know it all too well.

What knowing God does do for us, is change our perspective and reframe our minds.

You’re probably familiar with the story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. When we teach this to kids, we often focus on the fact that God saved these men from the fiery furnace into which they were thrown. Which, I mean let’s be real, IS a great reminder of God’s sovereign power and majesty.

But the part that stuck out to me today was this:

Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego replied, “O Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you. If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God whom we serve is able to save us. He will rescue us from your power, Your Majesty. But even if he doesn’t, we want to make it clear to you, Your Majesty, that we will never serve your gods or worship the gold statue you have set up.” — Daniel 3:16-18

The faith of these men astounded me. They were fully aware that God was great enough and powerful enough to save them from being engulfed in flames. Which is enough faith in and of itself.

But what really shows the character of their faith is that they knew that God might choose NOT to save them from it, but still would not worship Nebuchadnezzar’s gods. They still knew that God was good and that He was worthy of praise above everything else. They were willing to walk into that furnace whether they lived or died.

We all face fiery furnaces of our own from time to time. Maybe your fiery furnace is a medical diagnosis, the loss of a job or a loved one, or financial struggles on the horizon. Whatever it may be, we know that it’s inevitable; we will be thrown into it no matter what.

We have a choice on this side of it.

We can choose to let it wreck us and our attitude, be anxious, worried, or fearful, or crush our spirit.

OR

We can choose to know that God can rescue us from it and that even if He does not that He is still good and still worthy of our praise.

What fiery furnace are you facing? Will you trust that God is big enough to save you from it and trust Him even if he does not?

 

Give a listen to: Even If by Mercy Me

Sometimes it feels that my heart is to heavy write, to pray, to do anything except avoid everything that is reality and slip into the comfort of the things that allow me to ignore what is in front of me. 

When I get overwhelmed by too many tasks to complete or an increasing amount of hard stuff or heaping piles of emotion, I find solace in a TV show or a good fantasy book or some dumb game on my phone if only to be able to allow my brain rest from the constant clamoring from one thought to another. 

Facing the realities of life is hard and unpleasant. It causes us to truly take a look at ourselves and the part we play in the current state of our lives, city, relationships, country or world. We can spend time attempting to fill our lives and our minds with non-reality, but inevitably the thoughts of our present situation always find a way back into our minds causing gut-churning, sickness, or heavy chested anxiety. 

Why is it so hard to come to terms with what is real? Why do we run in the opposite direction of honesty and vulnerability? Is it pride? Fear? 

When we get hurt and our trust is broken, our ability to be vulnerable lessens, not just with the person who hurt us, but with the rest of the people we allow into the inner circles of our lives. 

“There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket-safe, dark, motionless, airless—it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell.” – C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

It is tempting and seemingly beneficial to simply close ourselves off from putting our hearts on the line and sharing them with someone else. But ultimately our hearts become more and more hardened and incapable of giving or receiving love. 

Jesus is our ultimate example of vulnerability. Fully God, he came to our earth in the most vulnerable of forms, a baby. He constantly put himself in situations where he would be an outsider with an unpopular viewpoint or an unaccepted solution to the present problem. It was hard. It was hard for him to the point of sweating blood, of a friends betrayal, of physical torture, of mental, emotional, and spiritual humiliation, and ultimately to the point of death. 

But each step toward honestly opening your heart to face reality and to love and be loved creates more and more of a capacity for love. When we invite God and others into the pieces of our lives that aren’t shiny or don’t fit the status quo, we find a life more fulfilling, beautiful world. Yes, there will be heartache and hurt and loss, this is inevitably part of human relationships. But what we gain is life-giving and eternal. 

“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” – 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

There it was on the horizon, again – the unknown. She’d been there before and if she was really honest with herself, she always knew it was there, but she didn’t usually have to face it. 

Now, from where she was standing, she had to face it and cross over into it. The unknown was somehow familiar. She had faced it several times before and now, those parts of the unknown have all become memories of the past, some fading away, others standing out in stark contrast to the others. 

Even though she has been in a similar place before, the anxiety of what was ahead began to well up in her slowly, trying to convince her that she wouldn’t make it through this time. That stepping into the unknown wasn’t good for her and that her safety wasn’t guaranteed. 

The doubts swirled around her and yet, she knew that stepping into the unknown was inevitable. That eventually, whether she took the step or not, the unknown would become her new reality. Her new normal. 

She could either spend the time before crossing over in fear and anxiety, or she could take the time to prepare herself. To gather her resources and her support, to prepare her heart and her mind for the journey ahead that was sure to have trials, hazards, and detours along the way. 

She took a deep breath and sat down in front of the unknown and let her heart be still before the One who would guide her along the way and the One who had been near to her on the journey up until now. 

If all else failed and everything became the worst case scenario, she would still have the One holding her steady. 

Normally when we think about mourning, we think of it in relation to the death of a loved one, or someone dear to us. Losing someone that we love can have devastating effects on how we interact with the world around us. 

In some spaces, we slap on a straight face, put our heads down, and trudge forward. In others, we try to remove ourselves all together, finding anything that we can use to distract ourselves so that we don’t have to face the reality that is before us. Sometimes, we are angry with ourselves or others for the loss that we have suffered. Still others, often when we are alone and feel we won’t burden anyone, we weep. We long for the person we lost and cringe at the future without them. 

Recently, I remembered that mourning doesn’t have to be about the death of someone you love. I realized that I need to give myself permission to grieve the way that I thought my life would have turned out by now. I need to ache for the friendship I used to have with one of my closest friends. To lament the fact that I am no longer working at a job that I am passionate about. 

I just need time to be sad. To weep. To be present with the fact that life sets you up to have expectations and because of this, there are so many disappointments. I need to let myself be angry, not at anyone in particular, but just to exist with it. Instead of trying to force myself to move forward before I am ready, I need to take the time to remember how things were, celebrate it, grieve it, and let it go. 

It’s okay to grieve the things that you have lost, or the things that you wish would have been. But we also know that beyond this, there will be dancing, laughing, and peace. It may seem hazy, it may seem unclear how we could ever possibly get there. But, God promises us this time and time again. If not here on this earth (though I believe we will see glimpses), then there will come a day when there will be absolutely nothing BUT dancing, laughter, and complete and total peace. 

For now, weep with me, friends. Mourn for what you’ve lost and lament, knowing that while we do, we have a God who has experienced the heartache of loss more deeply than we can ever comprehend. 

Check out: Weep with Me by Rend Collective 

“For everything there is a season,
a time for every activity under heaven.
A time to be born and a time to die.
A time to plant and a time to harvest.
A time to kill and a time to heal.
A time to tear down and a time to build up.
A time to cry and a time to laugh.
A time to grieve and a time to dance.
A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones.
A time to embrace and a time to turn away.
A time to search and a time to quit searching.
A time to keep and a time to throw away.
A time to tear and a time to mend.
A time to be quiet and a time to speak.
A time to love and a time to hate.
A time for war and a time for peace.

What do people really get for all their hard work? I have seen the burden God has placed on us all. Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end. So I concluded there is nothing better than to be happy and enjoy ourselves as long as we can. And people should eat and drink and enjoy the fruits of their labor, for these are gifts from God.

And I know that whatever God does is final. Nothing can be added to it or taken from it. God’s purpose is that people should fear him. What is happening now has happened before, and what will happen in the future has happened before, because God makes the same things happen over and over again.” — Ecclesiastes 3:1-15

You know those lessons that you’ve heard what seems like 1 million times in various shapes and sizes, but no matter what you do, you can learn them and know them to be true, but you cannot for the life of you put them in to practice? We all have them, I have what feels like hundreds of them. I thought about listing them here, but I don’t really have the time or energy to do that. So, if you’d like a list of my faults, you and I can block out about 8-10 hours over coffee one day. For now, I will just list one of them.

I am really good at giving grace to everyone… except myself.

There are a lot of factors that play into this, I think, but I am often so painfully self-aware that I am unable to see past the ways that I have caused any sort of pain, turmoil, or even inconveniences in people’s lives.

I’ll admit this doesn’t apply to every situation in my life, but it certainly applies to most of them.

Perhaps it’s my unending desire to grow in certain areas and I unwittingly use my graceless attitude as a motivation springboard for growth opportunities. Unhealthy motivation to be sure. But that’s why we’re here in this blog, friends.

Of course, time lessens old wounds and heals them over, but when I get to thinking about this situation or that, I become increasingly aware that those wounds never were truly healed, and I have no one to blame but myself (ironically, another matter in which I struggle to give myself grace).

You might be thinking to yourself, “But, like, how do you reconcile the fact that you’ve been forgiven by Jesus’ life, death, and resurrection?”. And I say to you, “Excellent question my friend!”

I know full well the power of grace through my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I am intimately familiar with it, by it I am humbly able to extend it to others, and weekly it brings me to tears by its sheer power and strength.

But life isn’t so simple. Human brains and emotions are complex – God created us this way intentionally. We not only live with the beauty of the intricate workings of our minds and emotions, but we live in a world where there is sin and an enemy who desperately loves to toy with them.

Maybe one day it will click for me, and I will finally “get it”, but for now I live in a self- inflicted state of gracelessness. Fortunately, I have a God whose mercies are new every morning (Lamentations 3:21-23) and who is making me new every day (2 Corinthians 4:16).

I pray this reminder over you, too. For your lessons left unlearned. For your things that are easier said than done. May you be reminded daily of His grace, and may your lesson sink from head to heart and into practice.

Maybe it’s the idealist in me, or perhaps it’s my passion for developing people, but I often am frustrated when I feel people aren’t living up to the potential I see in them. Honestly, maybe it’s the expectations that I have created for them in my head. 

I am not irritated with the person necessarily, but just the idea that I see what could be and the qualities that they might not even see in themselves and when they aren’t necessarily living that out, I feel defeated. I desperately want them to see what I see in them and forget that true, honest development takes time, care, guidance, encouragement. 

If I am being really honest, I think that I might create these idealistic expectations for myself as well, which could be why I am such a terrible personal goal setter and obtainer – I get frustrated when I am not living up to my “potential” and instead of resetting, I just give up. I have a serious lack of internal motivation. 

God, the ultimate developer of people, constantly meets us where we are. Throughout history, he has shown us that this is His character. 

From the beginning of time, even before the fall, God physically walked alongside Adam and Eve in the garden. After the fall, when Adam and Eve realized they were naked, God did not leave them to suffer in their nakedness but instead gave them clothes to wear. 

Jesus dining and reclining with tax collectors and sinners, sitting with the adulterous woman at the well who no one else would interact with, and calling on 12 societal rejects (and not asking them to clean up their acts first) to be his closest friends are pretty shining examples of this as well. 

There were times when Jesus would reprimand these people and call them out on their transgressions, and yet other times he would lead them gently with questions or sermons down a path of growth until they finally saw the light. 

I had one of my moments of frustration recently that quickly turned into a confusing, prideful, downward spiral of a thought process. I still saw people for what they could be and how they could grow, and instead of helping them get there, I scolded them in my head for not doing the things I wanted them to do when I wanted them to do it. 

Defeated, I decided it would just be easier if I took on everything myself if I just stepped up and showed them how simple it was, that they would be like, “Duh! I can do that!” and step up on their own. 

But that’s now how people work. That’s not how I work, it’s not how you work. We are creatures of habit, people who are safe in the comfort of what we know, afraid that even then tiniest step outside of our bubbles will lead to the destruction of the ease we’ve come to know and love. 

Instead, how can I help people experience Jesus by my words and actions? How can I call them out in correction when they need it and how can I gently lead them with questions and next steps until they realize the potential they had all along? How can I love on them until they realize the worth the savior of the world saw in them first? 

“Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.” – Luke 9:23

May we daily deny ourselves, take up our cross, and follow Jesus so that we may bring others closer to Him. 

I don’t know about you, but I spend a lot of my days focusing on the bad, annoying, icky stuff that is happening around me, to me, or even because of me. 

It seems like people are somehow wired that way. Maybe it’s an innate part of some people. Or maybe it’s a product of the media culture that we are surrounded by on a daily basis that throws negative stories at us like tiny firey darts, and sometimes like large, explosive bombs. 

There are, of course, people who tend towards optimism and finding joy in the small things, but I think there are times when all of us get caught up in focusing on the bad, negative that have, will, or even CAN happen to us. 

How much do you think we limit ourselves when we focus solely on what we don’t have or won’t have? Even just writing that and thinking it through, I am overwhelmed by it. Particularly by the piece in which we project it on to our future selves, limiting the possibilities that could be. 

A song that has stuck out to me recently is Counting Every Blessing by Rend Collective. I’ve always rolled my eyes at the little trinkets and home decorations that read “Count Your Blessings”. The first reason is probably because it’s telling me what to do, and the second being that it’s turned into one of those cliche things people just have around like, “Live, Laugh, Love”. 

But the reason that this song has stuck out to me because each line is a perfect description of the dichotomy that it is to live life as a follower of Christ. See evidence below: 

[Verse 1]

I was blind, now I’m seeing in colour

I was dead, now I’m living forever

I had failed, but You were my Redeemer

I’ve been blessed beyond all measure

[Verse 2]

I was lost, now I’m found by the Father

I’ve been changed from a ruin to treasure

I’ve been given a hope and a future

I’ve been blessed beyond all measure

[Verse 3]

You were there in the valley of shadows

You were there in the depth of my sorrows

You’re my strength, my hope for tomorrow

I’ve been blessed beyond all measure

[Bridge]

Surely Your goodness pursues me

Surely Your heart is still for me

I will remember Your mercies all my days

Through every storm and gale

[Chorus]

I am counting every blessing, counting every blessing

Letting go and trusting when I cannot see

I am counting every blessing, counting every blessing

Surely every season You are good to me

Every day we wake up to things that make us sad, angry, disappointed, confused, lonely, hurt, etc. It is the world that we live in and we cannot escape it with our easily-lived middle class lives, our distraction of choice, or our shiny Instagram accounts. 

Yet, at the same time that we live among these things above, because of who Christ is and what he did for us, we live with color, joy, light, strength, hope, and so much more.

We will live and wrestle with this inevitable dichotomy for the rest of our lives until Christ calls us home or comes back for us. There is no escaping it. 

But in the meantime, while we are blind, dead failures living in the valley of shadows, we can count each blessing knowing that in the midst of it God is ever-present and ever-working. We will see him when we seek him with our whole hearts, and he will reveal to us what it is that he is doing. Perhaps not in the timing that we would prefer, but we still hold on and trust when we cannot see. 

She looked behind her, not really knowing how she got to where she was. 

In her mind, she had taken each step with caution and care, being sure to tread lightly so as not create destruction along the way. 

Looking back, she stared in utter disbelief that while she had been successful to take care at some points along her walk, there was carnage left behind her of which she had been completely unaware before. 

It was only then that she could see and remember the moments in which she had carelessly barreled down the path. 

In her wake, she left people wounded by selfish motives, negligent words, and ungodly attitudes. She left relationships hanging, confused, ignored. 

She then turned slightly to see a mirror and saw herself covered in bruises scars, and open wounds. Not only had she caused others pain, she had brought the pang of heartache upon herself. 

Warm tears filled with regret, pain, and guilt rolled down her cheek, releasing with them the reality of what had really happened on the path behind her. 

She lifted her foot to take a step back to where she had been. If she could just go back to where she had failed, then she could change it, fix it, or at least make the hurt less. 

But as she attempted to move back toward where she had been, she found herself unable to proceed. The path on which she had already been was closed, and she realized that her chance to bring life instead of pain had already passed. 

So, taking a deep breath she turned around to face what was before her. Except that she couldn’t see what was on the path in front of her, only a few steps in front. 

She began to panic at the thought of what destruction she might make on the path ahead. Maybe it was just better to stay where she was so that she wouldn’t be able to cause any more pain. But, something urged her to keep going, a feeling of hope for the future that she couldn’t ignore or let go. 

Hesitantly, she took a step and found that she could move forward. Before taking another, she began to turn to take one last look at what she had left behind but felt a strong, gentle hand on her shoulder. She looked up to see His face – kind, gentle, and loving. 

He held out His hand, and she paused, confused that it could really be meant for her. For her, the one who was the cause of all that lay behind them. 

But His hand continued to reach out for hers; steady, sure, and inviting. 

Taking a deep breath, she placed her shaking hand in His. As His hand closed securely around hers, that hope she had felt before began to strengthen. 

Looking up again at Him again, He smiled at her, nodded, and gestured to the path that lay ahead. 

She took a step, and He took one with her, their feet moving in tandem. 

While she couldn’t see what the rest of path had in store for her, somehow, knowing that He was walking alongside her in the midst of it she wasn’t afraid. 

The devastation she had left would not be forgotten. It would always be behind her, reminding her of the reality of pain and cautioning her future steps. 

But, walking with Him now, she knew that she couldn’t simply let what had happened cause her to live in fear. Instead, she used it to change her steps, stepping with more purpose, gentleness, and awareness. 

She knew that at the next time she stopped that she would look back and still be able to see ruin she would leave. But she knew that He would be beside her, assuring her, and loving her when she is unsure how to love herself. 

She looked in front of her, not really knowing where she was going, but certain of who was beside her. 

It’s been 4 years this month since I wrote my very first blog here on From an Open Heart.

Throughout these 4 years, I have been less than consistent about writing with some months being left blog-less for a variety of reasons some selfish, some understandable. More recently, I have committed to weekly posts because I feel that 4 years ago, God very clearly asked me to begin this blog.

I remember the moment well. I had just finished reading “Radical” by David Platt, and as I was thanking God for the wisdom and perspective I gained through this book, he gave me 2 very clear instructions. One was to downsize on the physical “stuff” that I owned and give it to people who were in need, whatever that looked like. And the second was to start a blog.

One thing you should know about me before I was asked to do this, is that I very much did not like blogs. I didn’t understand their purpose, or why people wanted to read them, or why in the world anyone would want to write them in the first place.

But, this is what God asked me to do. So, I stepped out in faith and obedience and did it.

Another thing you should know about me is that I really don’t like being told what to do. I often desire to serve God and people out of love, respect, and honor to them, but if I am really honest with you (and with myself), I really don’t like “commands”.

I have this inane independence that is rooted deep within my very being. I catch in the most subtle of ways not accepting help, or scoffing at a journal at the store telling me to “Follow my Dreams”. “DON’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!”, I hear my insides screaming… or sometimes my voice actually saying out loud. I don’t know, maybe there some root of control and pride in there somewhere, I haven’t delved that far down yet, so I’ll keep you updated.

As I begin recognizing these, let’s call them “independent moments”, I realize that while I feel this fierceness is a part of who God created me to be, I also know that sin twists what God has created in an attempt to destroy what God has intended for good.

Throughout the past 4 years, I have both trusted that God had a reason for asking me to write and stood in obstinate defiance or distant apathy of what God asked me to do.

But, I will tell you what I have found in this midst of it all.

In the moments that I have been nothing more than obedient to His calling, this is when His faithfulness has shone the most. In the weeks where I reluctantly, but obediently, sat down to just write because “that is what God asked me to do”, those are the weeks when I have seen God work the most in the reach of my posts, in the messages I receive thanking me for writing what I did, and in what He does in me, personally through my reflections.

He has been nothing but good and faithful to us already. When we turn to him in obedience born out of love, He multiplies that goodness and faithfulness hundredfold. May we press into obedience to our Heavenly Father through our stubborn, “independent moments”.

And this is love: that we walk in obedience to his commands. As you have heard from the beginning, his command is that you walk in love. — 2 John 6