I began to think about the word ‘yield’ this past week when I was dutifully waiting my turn to enter a roundabout on my way to Bible Study. As I entered into my lane, I thought about what an uncommon gesture yielding is in our culture today and how this is one of the few places, that people (mostly) thoughtfully wait their turn and allow others to go before them in a civilized fashion. 

In most other places what you see is people jumping in front of people in the line and wandering about the grocery store, so focused on fulfilling their own list they all but forget that there are other people shopping too. Our competitive, individualistic society has caused us to forget the simple, humble act of yielding. 

Admittedly, I have often failed at this myself. I have taken more than I needed so that someone else had less. I have put my own needs, ideas, and opinions in front of relationships, and I have held on to my own pride and refused when someone simply asks me if I’d like a friendly hand. 

As I delved further into this bout of introspection, I realized that yield has more than one meaning. It can mean to give way to something or someone else, or it can mean to produce something – think “Yields 4 dozen cookies”. 

At Bible Study that night, we discussed the story of Hannah and her son Samuel. Hannah, barren and ridiculed for it, yielded herself and her hope for a child to the Lord. God saw her faith and genuine heart and she bore (some might say yielded) Samuel. 

Samuel was yielded to the Lord, as Hannah had promised and brought up in the priesthood. Samuel is one of the first leaders that God used to bring His people back to Him after His people had turned away for hundreds of years. 

When Hannah yielded herself and her son to the Lord, the Lord yielded incredible outcomes for His people. 

What an excellent picture ‘yielding’ is in our walk with the Lord. 

God asks us to yield to His ways that are higher and deeper and wider than our own, trusting that His work will yield fruit for His Kingdom and His beloved creation. 

What are you struggling with that God might be asking you to yield to Him? What pieces of your life are you clinging to too tightly? Yield to God in each part of your life and watch what he yields in you and the world. 

I looked in the mirror today and told myself, “You are loved.”

Today I turned 30 years old. For 30 years I have lived on this earth and have endured joys and trials and celebrations and defeat.

I have realized that much of the time I feel overlooked or insignificant. And most of the time that’s okay because I don’t like the attention anyway. But it can cause me to feel isolated and lonely. As though I’m wandering through this life alone with only me myself and I to count on.

Today people showed up. In small ways that were probably not that big of a hassle for them, but that were immensely meaningful to me.

I recognized and remembered that I have people walking alongside of me who would move as many mountains for me as I would for them.

And as I sit here pouring tears for the gratefulness I feel in my heart, I want you to know that you are loved too.

You have people who will come alongside you.

You have people who will show up for you.

You have a God who will be near you and will comfort and sustain you.

All I ask is that you open your eyes to see it. Take a step outside of yourself and remember those people who stepped up and stepped out for you.

Remember the God who parted seas, broke down walls, defeated nations, resurrected the dead, and redeemed your sins is nearer to you than you know.

Look at yourself in the mirror and remind yourself – You Are Loved.

“But God is so rich in mercy, and he loved us so much, that even though we were dead because of our sins, he gave us life when he raised Christ from the dead. (It is only by God’s grace that you have been saved!)”‭– Ephesians‬ ‭2:4-5‬

“Sometimes you just have to do things you don’t want to do – that’s just life, girl”. 

I found myself saying this to the 5-year-old I am currently living with while her mom was trying to convince her to clean her room. But she could have been saying the same thing to me. 

I subconsciously try to convince myself that there will be a time when I will just “arrive”. A time when I will have it all figured out and all my ducks in a row, and I will be doing all of the things I love all of the time and life will just be easy. I often think if I can just get past this part of life or that when x, y, and z happen, that things will be “right” or better. 

I’m smart enough to know that this isn’t reality, but my idealistic nature won’t seem to let go of the hope that there might one day be relief from the current struggles in the form of a neatly packaged life that I’ve convinced myself will come. 

The truth is, God is always working on me and my relationship with Him and with others. I want resolution now, and I want it in the way that I think is best, but in the waiting, and the meantime, and the struggles, God is working on me. 

I’ve been intrigued recently by the complexity and mystery of God’s timing. After my own blast of change and transition, a few friends shared with me some of their news of change on their horizons – all seemingly aligned with God’s will and His timing. 

Why did he choose to do it now? Why didn’t he do it sooner? Or wait until this or that happened? Or until that really important thing was in place? 

We can learn so much about timing from the history of the Israelites. They did so much waiting on the Lord, and they didn’t always do it well. They spent a lot of their time grumbling, complaining, and thinking they could make it happen on their own terms. Sometimes, their need to do it on their own caused them to miss out on the blessings God had for them in this lifetime. But when they trusted God and faithfully obeyed His commands, they split seas and rivers, conquered nations, defeated enemies, and witnessed miracles all by His power.

God orchestrates our circumstances and the happenings around us in a way that He knows is best. Sometimes he chooses to reveal those intricacies to us, and more often than not, he asks us just to trust.

Trust that we’re in the season He wants us to be in right now, even if it’s difficult. 

Trust that the new season that is ahead is already filled with His presence. 

Trust that even though x,y, and z didn’t happen yet, that He still has it under control. 

Trust that even though we do not feel equipped, God will equip us. 

The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead, he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance. – 2 Peter 3:9

He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. – Ecclesiastes 3:11

My keys look different than they did 1 month ago. They feel different, too. 

Except for my car key, every single key is different from August 30th. 

When I really think about it, it’s remarkable how much change and transition has come about in only the last 30 days. Honestly, I don’t really want to think about it too much because it’s kind of overwhelming. 

I’m living in a new home, off of the generosity of an awesome family. I ended one job and started another. I am venturing into new ways of serving at my Bible study and my church. My relationships with people have transformed for better and worse. 

I haven’t handled it all well. There have been countless tears, confusion, anger, questions, and “Why me’s?”. I’ve felt guilty for not spending enough time at home with my new housemates, for feeling that I was leaving people at my former job high and dry, and for being frustrated with the time commitments that things take. 

My time has been sucked up with one commitment after the other and I’ve had zero real time to process any of what exactly has happened to me this past month. 

Even though I haven’t taken everything as well as I would have liked, looking back, I feel that everything has been easier than it should have been. Some things have had to suffer, but I’ve learned that not everything is as important as it seems. God works outside of my time, and beyond my guilt, shame, and pride (and sometimes through it).

Knowing that this month was going to be a lot (but not actually knowing how much until it all came), I resolved to spend more intentional time with the Lord throughout my days in the Word and in prayer.

Each step of the way, an unchanging, sovereign, powerful God has been guiding me step by step, calming my heart, creating a hunger for the Word, and placing people around me who support and pray for and with me. Not because I deserve any of that, because I certainly do not. It’s because God in His immense faithfulness returns to us 1000 fold what we give to him. When we come to him with our time or our praise or worship, he does not return it void but instead pours out himself to us.

So, even though my keys and my world may look completely different one month later, my God does not, nor will He ever because “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.” — Hebrews 13:8

Jesus wept. 

One of the shortest and most powerful verses in the Bible. 

This verse gives us a picture of Jesus’s humanity. He weeps upon finding out that his friend Lazarus has died. 

I don’t know if you’ve ever cried in front of people, but I do it all the time. Like pretty much daily. I honestly wish I could just shut it off, but I haven’t figured that one out yet. The only time a Google search has failed me. 

It’s a vulnerable place to be, crying in front of others. Most of the time I think people don’t really know what to do with me, and that’s really fair because I don’t really know what to do with myself. 

I cry when I am sad, when I am angry, when I am happy, when I am grateful when I feel moved by the Holy Spirit or the power of the Gospel, sometimes when I don’t even know why I am crying, and pretty much everything else in between. 

I used to not cry at all. I went through part of my life not crying ever, at anything. But in recent years, I have worked hard to become a person who is open, honest, and vulnerable at all times, sometimes at the cost of relationships and jobs and comfortability. I think all of that honesty and vulnerability has come with tears – a physical expression of a feeling deep in our hearts. Or, apparently if you’re me, not so deep, just waiting on the surface for any type of emotion ever.

The Bible doesn’t give us the real reason that Jesus wept. His being 100% divine, we could assume that he already knew that Lazarus was dead before arriving. My thought has always been that he was so moved by the heaviness of death as a result of sin in the world that he wept. In front of his friends. A moment of true, vulnerable humanity. 

Perhaps, I am not normal. Perhaps I am too emotional. But for now, I have come to terms with my tears. I feel immensely more vulnerable every time I cry in front of someone, but my prayer is that my vulnerability will not scare them away, but draw them closer to their heart and what God might be doing in it. 

I pray that each of you has moments of humanity like Jesus, full of vulnerability and compassion for the world around you. I pray that the power of Christ moves you to tears that you may feel him working deep in the innermost parts of your heart. 

On his arrival, Jesus found that Lazarus had already been in the tomb for four days. Now Bethany was less than two miles from Jerusalem, and many Jews had come to Martha and Mary to comfort them in the loss of their brother. When Martha heard that Jesus was coming, she went out to meet him, but Mary stayed at home… Now Jesus had not yet entered the village but was still at the place where Martha had met him. When the Jews who had been with Mary in the house, comforting her, noticed how quickly she got up and went out, they followed her, supposing she was going to the tomb to mourn there. When Mary reached the place where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet and said, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.” When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. “Where have you laid him?” he asked. “Come and see, Lord,” they replied. Jesus wept. Then the Jews said, “See how he loved him!” But some of them said, “Could not he who opened the eyes of the blind man have kept this man from dying?” — John 11:17-20, 30-37

Things are better when I start my day with scripture. 

Hear me correctly here. Reading Bible verses doesn’t magically make good things happen to me. 

Whether I read my Bible in the morning or not, the same crap happens. The good and the bad – it all still comes pouring into my day, filling my head and time and space with its incessant demands. 

What is different about my day when I start it by simply reading God’s Word, is me. I am the piece of the puzzle that changes. My attitude, my reactions, my words – all of it is different. 

Because when you spend time in scripture, it does not return void. It is living and active (Hebrews 4:12) and He is working on you through it, whether you realize it or not. 

I’m still not perfect. And I won’t be until I finally enter my true Home with Jesus. I still get anxious about that little thing that’s coming up tomorrow. I still snap at a friend or co-worker when I’m feeling like I am just over it all. I’m still a sinful human, and I have to come to terms with it.

But, what I have noticed about who I am and what I do and say and the choices I make is that I am being transformed more and more into the likeness of the One who created me. My mind is being renewed and my heart and soul is being healed. 

My challenge to you, and continuing to myself, is to spend time with God is His Word. Keep watch for what he is doing to and in you. He is faithful to do immeasurably more than we can ever ask or imagine. 

It is the same with my word. I send it out, and it always produces fruit. It will accomplish all I want it to, and it will prosper everywhere I send it. – Isaiah 55:11

There’s too much to do and not enough time. I’m sure each of us has muttered these words at some point, or at the very least thought them. 

We spin our wheels through our lives trying to get through the things that we are doing so that we can make it to the next thing on the list. 

I wish that I had more time freed up to do the things that I want to do, rather than the things that I have to do.

I’d rather not go to work and spend my time supporting my church in various ways and pouring into people’s lives, and writing. 

I’d rather not have to go grocery shopping or run to the post office, or get my oil changed and spend my time volunteering… or honestly even running errands for other people. 

I don’t mind a busy life. I enjoy working hard and the feeling of an “accomplished tired” at the end of a long week, but it seems that as time goes on, I am more and more burdened by the demands and business of adult life. 

God created time. He created the Sun and the Moon, and daytime and nighttime. And He called it good. (Genesis 1:1-5, 14-19)

He created 7 days, morning and night, and after 6 days of working, He rested on the 7th as an example to us of the importance both of work and rest. He created the perfect balance for us. 

Something went wrong along the way and we filled our 7 days to the brim taking each minute and filling it full of this or that. Then we act surprised when we are exhausted and anxious about the days ahead, knowing what is to come, and dreading it all the while. 

Sometimes we don’t think we even have time to rest. “I don’t have a WHOLE day to dedicate to resting!”, we exclaim. And there are probably times in our lives that this is true. 

Rest can look different for each of us, and it can look different for our own lives at different times. It can be settling down with a good book, or catching up or playing games with friends, taking a nap, gardening, fixing the car, painting… there are several ways that each person can be filled.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” — Matthew 11:28-30

What if we had time with the Lord to be rejuvenated each day? What if we took those moments when we are overwhelmed and anxious about the schedules that lie before us and prayed or opened God’s Word? Do you think we would change? Do you think that we would receive rest? 

I believe the answer is ‘yes’. It might not look how we think it should. It might look more like an increasing trust in Jesus, or a perspective shift instead of a beach vacation or spa day. 

And I am preaching this to myself at this moment too, friends. I need to seize every moment I can to turn my attention to Jesus. Will you challenge yourself to do the same and see how He gifts us with the rest that we so desperately need? 

It’s inevitable. 

Get closer to doing what you feel that God is calling you to, and the doubt will creep in. 

The lies will start to flood your mind. They will not be stopped at surface level stings, attacking the very core of who you are. 

Your mind will drift to other options as though the path God has set in place is somehow not good enough, or worse, as though you know better. 

You might not recognize it right away. You might just start feeling sad or sorry for yourself. You might throw yourself what I like to call an “Existential Pity Party”, convinced that you’re not enough, you have nothing and no one, and you never will. 

You might sit at your desk at work or on your couch at home, on the verge of tears, skeptical of every decision you have made up to this point. 

You might actually cry, desperate for the comfort that you are certain you will never have again as you prepare to wade into unknown waters. 

I might say something that could be controversial, and maybe you didn’t think I was going here, but I think it’s okay to take a moment a let yourself be present in that place. Because the next steps ahead probably ARE scary and uncomfortable. You’re likely not freaking out about nothing. What lies ahead might be unknown and you likely cannot see too far in front of you. 

Be present with the reality of your situation, dear friends, but do not believe the lies. Our enemy prowls around like a lion, looking for someone to devour (1 Peter 5:8). He is in tune with the very things that strike you at your core, and his timing is crafty.

Those whispers you hear telling you that you’re not good enough and that you won’t make it, that you’ve reached the end, and this is all you’ll get – they are lies from the enemy whose one goal is to bring you to a place where you believe God cannot reach you. 

Be sad and mourn the loss of the life before, but do not believe that hope will never spring again. 

But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. — Isaiah 40:31

Be uneasy about what lies ahead, but do not believe that God is not already there. 

Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever. — Hebrews 13:8

And most of all, be frustrated with the current state of your life and the world, (this not the way that God intended it, friends), but let us not forget the eternal glory that we have inherited. 

For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. –2 Corinthians 4:17-18

Keep making steps toward where you see God’s leading. Follow the light, condemn the darkness.

I have a lot to be thankful for. I think about these things all of the time, and constantly thank God for them. 

At the same time, there is so much that I long for and strive for daily. I wrestle with being caught in between feelings of gratefulness and peace and wishing that parts of my life looked different than they do now. It leaves me feeling guilty and ungrateful for the incredible ways I see God moving in my life. 

“You don’t have it so bad, Jami. Just suck it up and deal with it.”

Sure, there are things that I can work on and change and grow in. I try to do that as much as I can – to push my self outside of my comfort zone so that I can grow in skill and character. 

But there are also many pieces of my life that are out of my control to change. I can make steps toward them, but they demand more than just myself and my determination for their fulfillment. And these are the hardest to confront and endure. 

There are times of peace and appreciation for my current state in life. I would say these moments fill up most of my days. 

But there are also occasions which I am presented with a glimpse of a potential, seemingly non-realistic future and my heart aches as though it were grieving something it had all along. 

I often catch myself dreaming and scold myself for being so impractical. I’ve done this for a while, now, and recently found myself wondering, “What is my dream? What do I long for?”

I’ve spent so much time shoving down any delightful hope that springs up for fear that it will not come to fruition. 

What a sad way to live. 

I am so terrified of disappointment and feeling sad that I am not honest with myself about what my heart longs for and desires. 

Now, sometimes when I even search for those passions and yearnings, I cannot find them. I’ve buried them so deep that they’ve gone missing and nearly decayed from years of being covered with a thick layer of bitterness and cynicism. 

What a life it would be to dream. What a life to long for something that could be, even if it won’t. To never give up hope that you will see it all come to pass, even if you don’t. 

That’s my prayer for me. My prayer for you. That even when we or someone else tells us it’s impossible, that we dare to hope and dream. Because a life lived filled with hope is better than one drowning in gloom and despair. 

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy, he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade. This inheritance is kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God’s power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. In all this, you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials.” – 1 Peter 3:3-6

God’s inerrant Word. God’s inerrant Word. God’s inerrant Word. 

This phrase consistently coursed through my mind as I cleaned the kitchen after dinner. I might have even said it out loud a few times – that’s how strong of a thought it was. 

The only problem is, I don’t know why or what to do with it. 

Okay. Yes, God’s Word IS inerrant. True, real, infallible, eternal.

But why?! And what?

I thought maybe it was a prompting from God for something to write in my blog as I knew I would soon be sitting down at my computer. I opened a fresh document, said a little prayer for some wisdom and guidance, and… nothing. Nothing except that phrase, “God’s inerrant Word.” 

So, I typed it out and forged forward not really knowing where I was going to end up. 

Do you ever feel like God gives you little pieces of the puzzle, and you say “Okay! Cool! This looks good! Now what?”, only to find radio silence?

Maybe it’s a lead on a new job, a meaningful or encouraging conversation with a friend or loved one, or a new opportunity springing up that seems to be the silver lining of an otherwise gray and rainy cloud.

We look at it, and we know it’s good, and we know it’s true, and we know it’s from God, but we don’t really know what to do with it. 

What do we do? Do we just plop ourselves down and say, “well I don’t have all the information, so I couldn’t possibly move any further forward”? While this is tempting, I don’t believe that it’s what God is hoping we will choose to do. 

I feel like God gives us little pieces of the puzzle at a time to coax us to take the next step forward, the next step towards Him, trusting that while we only have one measly piece, He holds all the others, and even better, has painted the picture we will eventually see for us – specifically, individually, lovingly. 

As soon as we move forward, taking even the slightest step toward where we know He is, we’ll end up with that finished masterpiece.

“Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust him, and he will help you.” –– Psalm 37:5

What puzzle piece of God’s masterpiece has He given you? Hold tight and take a step forward, even if you have absolutely no idea what you’re doing (chances are no one else really knows either). It probably won’t make sense for while, and maybe ever, on this side of heaven. Trusting that God has given it to you for a purpose will be worth it.