This picture was taken in Arusha, Tanzania 4 years ago today. Myself together with a team of 4 other young adults made our way across the ocean for 3 months of ministry in East Africa. This was about the halfway point of our time and this photo was the last stop on our Safari day trip. Little did we know at this moment what was ahead of us in the next 30 minutes.

This very same day my team and I were in a severe roll over car accident. Myself and my dear friend next to me suffered the most serious injuries of the group (though hers were even much worse than mine) and were separated from the team for an extended period of time.

One of my many immediate reactions was that our ministry was over – that we would all go home and be done. We still had about 2 months left in East Africa and about four more months of ministry to do back in the United States. But ending the ministry was certainly not God’s plan for us.

Later as we all started to think about the severity of what had happened to us, we understood that there was no way that we should have survived that accident. None of us were wearing seatbelts, all of the windows were down in the car, and it had a pop-top that was up and at some point had fallen off the vehicle, and yet somehow we all stayed in the car.

I recently saw a video that someone posted on Facebook of a roll over accident with dummies in the car. It was on a paved road (we were on a dirt road) and the car rolled over the same amount of times, and it was all flat (in our accident we rolled 105 feet down a steep hill).

I now know that we were given a second chance at life here on earth because God was not done with us yet.

I think in our own ways we all deal with backlash from that accident. Fear of riding in cars, extra anxiety when driving by steep drop offs, and residual pain or symptoms of injuries sustained that day.

God is constantly giving us second chances. Bad things are going to happen to us – He doesn’t promise us a life of shelter and safety. Jesus even said several times that we would face troubles in this world.

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” – John 16:33

Suffering will happen, but there is redemption because of what Jesus has done for us on the cross. That’s not to say that the things that happen to you don’t matter, or that they will not continue to cause you pain. I still suffer daily from residual back pain from my 4 spinal compression fractures.

BUT I will not let that or any other circumstance dictate my life and how I live because I  am the daughter of the Most High King Jesus Christ! I have redemption and I have an infinite amount of second chances to continue to grow closer to my Lord and become more and more like him. And guess what?! So do YOU!

Suffering happens. We have second chances. We have redemption. We have an inheritance in God’s kingdom. We have the power to overcome all of it through the cross.

Bwana Asifiwe! (PRAISE GOD!)

I almost titled this blog “Let it Go” just to grab your attention or make your eyes roll, but then I thought better of it.

We humans have a tendency to hold on to things. Not just material possessions, but we are pretty obsessed with those, but with things that have happened to us in the past, or feelings that we have about someone or a situation, or something that a person did to us in the past. Maybe it’s the past that we hold on to so dearly.

I am not very good at holding grudges toward other people. Sometimes I really want to hold a grudge because I am so upset about something, but I just can’t. I am really good however at holding on to grudges against myself. Saying to myself, “Why did you do that? What were you thinking? I can’t believe you did that! Do you really think that was a good idea? You should have said _______ instead!”

In the situation I wrote about last week, I have wished things had gone differently. I have said all of those words to myself over the past week and have blamed myself for my own dilemma.

And that’s exactly what Satan wants.

He wants to tell us lies and make us believe that we are not good enough for the love and mercy of Christ.

“He [Satan] was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies.” – John 8:44

He wants to drive a wedge between us and the people that we hold grudges against – even if that person is ourself. He wants it to fester and to grow those little seeds of bitterness and resentment so that he can sit back and watch us drive our own wedge between ourselves and another person, or convince us that we are terrible people.

Our past and the situations Satan throws our way shape us into who we are today. However,  we can choose how they shape us. We can let them dictate who we are and what we are about, or we can choose to rise above all of those things and focus on what really matters – Jesus. And He is the only one who can  bring us up out of that mirey place where we sit in our own filth of grudge holding. (I mean doesn’t the word ‘grudge’ just sound disgusting?!)

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” – Matthew 11:28

Jesus calls us to come to him when we are weary and burdened with all of those things we are holding on to. Our past, our grudges, our fears, our worries, and so on and so on. And to take up his way of living (yoke) for the power of forgiveness and letting go of what we are holding on to is strong.

Notice that he is calling us to come to him. He is already there waiting for us, calling us by name and offering a lighter burden than the one we carry on our shoulders.

Letting go of what we’re holding on to is a process. I am still working on letting go of a lot of the grudges that I’ve been holding against myself, and I know that with Christ’s presence in my life that I can truly let it go and leave it at the foot of the cross. What better feet to leave it all at than at the beautiful feet of our Saving One Jesus Christ.

My dear fellow children of God, I leave you now with this promise:

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!” – 2 Corinthians 5:17

Spiritual Warfare is real, dear friends.

And today, I was fiercely attacked by the enemy.

I can’t go in to the details about it, but let’s go back to this past Saturday where our story begins.

On Saturday, I went to a women’s mini-retreat at my church called “Rest in Him”. We talked about what real rest in the Lord looks like and how we spend our time. We learned about the ways that Satan tricks us into thinking that there are more important things to spend our time on than our relationship with the Lord. Real good stuff, a great catalyst for everything that happened the rest of the week.

Sunday I started a new Bible study with some friends about spiritual warfare and the armor of God in Ephesians 6. We talked in depth about why this study was important for us at this time, and how Satan attacks, and the things that he tells us to make us believe that a life with God is not a life worth living. Again, great stuff that really fueled me along with some good personal prayer time to get serious about my personal time and relationship with God.

Throughout the week, I have been waking up early each day to do my armor of God study and have been learning about the ways in which Satan tricks us and works against us and attacks us. At the end of the devotion for the day, we do what is called “actionable intel”. Basically it’s a military term that means to name what your enemy is doing to attack you and based on that to come up with a plan to combat it.

On Tuesday at my other Bible study (Bible Study Fellowship), the lecture was full of info about Satan and spiritual warfare and we called out Satan for being the father of all lies and that he is the root of the evil running rampant in this world.

So each day, I have been learning more about who the enemy is and how to fight against him. I am sure he’s sitting on his throne of lies (you’re welcome ‘Elf’ fans) waiting for his demons to come back and give him an update on me.

Demon 1: “Master, that Jami girl is learning an awful lot about you. Not only that, she is coming up with way to fight against you and your schemes!” 

Satan: “Curses! I will not have this! Let’s get her real good this week! Hit her right where it hurts the most – we know what that is!” 

God: “Go ahead and test my daughter, Fallen One, I know my child will turn to me and not give into darkness. She and I have been spending some quality time together lately, and I’ve equipped her for this.”

BAM! Thursday hits, and I feel like I had the spiritual wind knocked out of me. While in the moment, I might have given into the temptation to be frustrated and upset, in the end my actionable intel came in handy.

I did the only things I could think of to do. I prayed. I read scripture. I talked with my little army of believers. And because of that, I feel peace. Not because I know what the outcome will be, but because I’ve sought God in it and know that regardless of what happens, he’s holding me.

Do you know the other reason I have peace? It’s because I have the greatest news for you my friends – THE VICTORY HAS ALREADY BEEN WON THROUGH JESUS! That’s right? Even though Satan is a crafty, deceptive little sucker – he is not the winner in the end! He has no power over us! The same power that won us that victory over death and Satan’s reign on earth is the SAME power that lives in us and is given to us through the gift of the Holy Spirit! We have the power to say one simple word and Satan and his demons will run from the hills!

While we will face the attacks of the enemy here on earth, we know that we have the final say through Jesus Christ! Praise God! Holy Spirit, come!

 

I’ve spent a good chunk of the last two days of work writing thank you notes. I love writing thank you notes. It might because my primary love language is words of affirmation, or because my mother drilled (she might use the word ‘instilled’) into me the value of a hand -written thank you note when I was growing up. Whatever the reason I find joy in showing my appreciation for other people through writing – particularly thank you notes.

It’s easy to focus on the negative things happening around you. Our media doesn’t really make it any easier either with tragic news stories, one million different types of crime shows and with social media it feels like that’s all that you ever hear about.

Sometimes I wonder if God feels that way. That bad things are all he ever hears about. When we pray, we often pray in supplication (asking God for things). Don’t misunderstand me – God delights when we pray to him regardless of the content of our prayers, but perhaps with all of the things that surround us in the world how can we miss the point that God is GOOD.

I mean seriously.

He is the only one who is completely good. His Son came to us and lived as a human, just like you and I, yet he never sinned. He consistently keeps his promises and always has a plan to work out things to the GOOD of his will. Yes there are “bad thing” road bumps along the road to Good Thing Land (I prefer to call it Heaven), but in that doesn’t change the fact that God is GOOD.

If you were never thankful for anything else for the rest of your life (not a lifestyle I would recommend), can we agree that this is one thing that we can and should be thankful for – God’s goodness?

Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. – 1 Thessalonians 5:18

You wanna talk about God’s WILL? (Most people do.) Here it is – plain as day, my friends. Give thanks! Thankfulness can change a person. It can change your attitude about your life and the people in it, give you contentment, and give you new perspective.

My parents joke about our family being the annoying “thank you” people wherever we go, they are always thanking people left and right. When we go out to eat we thank the server for every tiny thing that they do – filling our drink, taking our menu, taking our order, taking our plates when we’re done, etcetera, etcetera. Yes, of course they are “just doing their job”, but what happened if you were never thanked for anything you did all day? Wouldn’t that change you? Wouldn’t you grumble about being in a thankless job?

God wants to hear us say thank you as well. I would say he has the most thankless job that exists. I mean he created us and everything that surrounds us so that the earth could sustain itself – everything perfectly designed all they way to our Salvation through Jesus Christ’s death and resurrection. And here we are piddling around moaning and groaning about this or that and forgetting the amazing things that he has done! Let’s thank him!

And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. – Colossians 3:17

Note: This isn’t meant to be guilt inducing or me telling you how you do or don’t or should or shouldn’t pray. I am speaking in generalities and hoping and praying that you and I can focus on what really matters and create a culture of thankfulness. 

 

***Disclaimer: Two of my loves, musicals and history have collided to form this blog. If for any reason you have trouble sticking with me during the reading of this blog, it is likely because I have begun to excitedly “nerd out” about one of these two subjects. 

Lately, I have been listening to a lot (and I do mean A LOT) of Hamilton the Musical. If you have not heard of it or have been thinking to yourself, “I should check that out”, you should really check that out. This particular musical is a hip hop take on the life and achievements of Alexander Hamilton. They also follow along with his friend turned rival, Aaron Burr.

Two of my favorite songs, Satisfied and Wait for It represent one of the themes threaded throughout (how about that for alliteration!) the story. Hamilton is never satisfied and Burr is always waiting for something to happen to him. I have listened to each of these songs probably over 100 times each (I wish I were exaggerating) and both songs make me reflect on the different ways in which I approach life.

I look at Hamilton who is never satisfied with what is happening and where he is at in life – he is always wanting more. He is a rebel with a cause and he isn’t afraid to tell people how he feels about something, and as Burr claims in Wait for It, “Hamilton doesn’t hesitate, he exhibits no restraint, he takes and he takes and he takes, and he keeps winning anyway – he changes the game, he plays and he raises the stakes…”. This attitude brought Hamilton a lot of success in life. He was innovative, and people got behind him because he was passionate and believed in something strongly. But it also brought him and his family a lot of pain, and eventually cost him his life through a duel with Aaron Burr.

Then I look at Burr who lived a safe life always waiting for things to happen to him, and never taking charge of his life or reaching for what he wants. He does however, stick to his principles and goes about life with respect for other people and boundaries. This causes pain for Burr as well, but it also earned him respect and got him to the place of being a honored lawyer and military leader that he was during this time period.

I think that I can relate well to both Hamilton and Burr. I believe that there is always room for change and that some things just need to be said regardless of whether or not people want to hear it. But with other situations in my life, I am patient and willing to wait as long as it takes to get what I want out of life, or remind myself that sometimes the thing that you want is not necessarily the thing that I need. I really tend to be one way or the other though. Often at work, I feel that I am never truly satisfied with the way things are – I am always wanting things to improve, or be different, or get better. I often find myself in extreme bouts of passion for certain causes in the work place and as I reflect, I wonder, “Was that the best way to approach that situation? Can’t I just be happy with things the way they are for now?” But the thing is – I desperately don’t want to be satisfied.

In my personal life I am way more willing to take things as they come and “wait for it”. I just let things happen and pray that they might be different one day, but am accepting of the fact that they probably won’t be. This is how I am, but I really want to never be satisfied with the way things are, and want to be a catalyst for change in my life and in the world around me.

I don’t know – as I have been writing this post, I have been thinking about some really cool way to connect this to God, or to scripture in some way, but nothing is clicking in my mind. I think that this was more about me reflecting on who I am, and taking the time evaluate my life.

I do know though, that at the end of the day that I am glad that God ultimately has control over my life and what happens to me, and to the rest of the world for that matter. There is nothing that is more comforting to me than that. So many things happen that are out of my control that I want to change or that I am waiting for, but knowing that God is sovereign over all of that is an incredible realization. Sorry King George – my God is sovereign over the WORLD – sorry ’bout the American colonies and those darn patriots. (See how I tied all of that up real nice-like?)

For your listening pleasure here are the two songs mentioned in this post: Satisfied and Wait for It. But really you should just download it on iTunes and listen to the whole things.

I know what you’re thinking, “Jami! The last time you posted was in 2014…why? Why now?”. Well friends, may you rest assured that I honestly do not know.

Last year, my New Year’s resolution went so well (giving up soda for all of 2015) that I thought I might try to make a new one – blogging once a week for all of 2016. That’s 52 blogs with which you will have the opportunity to grace yourself.

When I first began this blog, it was because I had felt a strong calling from God to start it. I have never really like the idea of blogs, and when I would have to do them for school, or as part of my Youth Encounter ministry team, I never knew what to write, or why anyone would want to read anything I had to say.

I was thinking about what my New Year’s resolution might be, and when my friend said that she was going to be vlogging for the whole year, I remembered my blog. I started thinking about my blog and when the last time it was that I has posted (which is apparently July 31, 2014), and I began to reflect on the time when God called me to start the blog.

I started to think of God’s calling on our lives as a covenant, something he asks us to do and we either agree to it, ignore it, or say no. When he called me to start this blog, I agreed and for a small bit of time, I kept up my end of the bargain. But then, I stopped writing blogs. I don’t remember why – probably because I got busy, or couldn’t think of anything to write about, or some other terrible reason. I never really stopped thinking about it though. It kept popping up for me time and time again, and a feeling of guilt swept over me because I had let down my Heavenly Father.

I don’t believe that God guilts us in to doing anything, but I do know that when I was reflecting on God’s call for me to start this blog, that I began thinking of why it was so easy to stop following that calling. Why was I able to do 2 years of day and night ministry and never question my calling to do it? Why was it so easy to give up on the simple task of blogging where I can literally write about anything?

Time and time again throughout scripture, God proves to us that he upholds his end of the deal 100% of the time. He consistently does what he says he will do, and he never forsakes his people, even when they turn away from him. I mean just look at pretty much any story about the Israelites, and you’ll think, “Sheesh! What’s wrong with these people – get it together, fools!”. Yet, here I am constantly letting him down like a big Israelite slap in the face, and he is always there to say, “Let’s try that again, my child” with no judgment because he sees us through the lens of the cross.

For me, it was easy to stop blogging because for some reason, I find it easier to let God down, then to let down the people around me, which makes me think, “Really, Jami!?” During my volunteer ministry with Youth Encounter, I felt a responsibility to my teammates, and to the staff of Youth Encounter and to my sponsors who were making it possible for me to be on the road. I didn’t want to disappoint them.

But with something as simple as keeping up with blog, I was okay with letting down the only one who has never let me down? Then, I was convicted. Not out of guilt, but out of a challenge from God to grow. To grow in my ability to hold up the end of my covenant. I don’t know why God asked me to start this blog all that time ago, or what His plans are for it or the people who may or may not read it, but I do know that I need to work on upholding my end of the deal. Not only with this blog, but also with everything else.

God has placed us to be in community with one another. So I ask that this tiny blog community of whoever of you chooses to read, help me stay true to this calling. I don’t think it was a mistake that God surrounded me with those people on team – friends, family, sponsors, teammates, YE staff. I know he was using my relationships with each of those people to help me stay true to that calling so that His work would be done in the people that I ministered to, and in myself.

The word ‘resolution’ is typically defined in two ways(according to Google dictionary) and I feel both apply to my current relationship with God and with his calling, big or small, in my life:

1. A firm decision to do or not do something
2. The action of solving a problem, dispute, or contentious matter

So, friends, I invite you to join me in this journey of 2016 with my resolution to remember God’s calling and blog at least once a week. As you can see I have already waited until the last day of the first week to blog (but hey, I did it!) and I pray that I grow in this time, and that God uses me to speak truth and love into your lives as you journey through this year and this insane life we live.

It’s so easy to compare yourself. It doesn’t really even matter to what or to whom. You just start believing that in some way, shape, or form that you’re not good enough. People can tell you nice things, give you compliments, affirm you, but it doesn’t matter… you’re not good enough. You can be 7 or 16 or 25 or 39 or 83…. you’re not good enough. You could accomplish great things in your life or be famous, or be a brain surgeon who has saved many lives… but you’re not good enough. Don’t you get it? You’re not good enough. Stop trying. Stop striving. Just stop. Stop everything. Stop loving. Stop living.

Is that what it comes down to? To stopping? To nothing? The struggle is real, it’s here. Somehow though, it’s not enough to recognize that it exists. You already believe that it is true. You’ve been told enough times by yourself, and the world that it takes almost no effort to believe it. I’ve been told the same amount of times that I am loved. That I am a beloved and precious child. Why can’t I hold on to that? I know how much  I am loved. but again, it’s not enough to simply recognize it.

There is some theory that I have heard before that women need to feel loved to know that they are respected and that men need to feel respected to know that they are loved. However, for myself as a woman, I think I need that respect first to know that I am loved. I need to know that my thoughts, ideas, opinions, and work are respected and valued. I don’t like being treated like a child, or like I don’t know something – that doesn’t make me feel respected which in turn definitely doesn’t make me feel loved. Those are the times when I often feel like I am hurt the deepest. It makes me feel like I am not worthy of love. If you tell me/show me that you love me and turn around and treat me like I don’t know what I am doing or talking about.

I struggle a lot with “know-it-alls”. People who consistently just assume that they know better than everyone else. I get along with everyone and never make enemies – but people who come off as “know-it-alls” make me feel as though I am not respected, and therefore I don’t feel loved. Eventually, when I get to know that person and realize their other qualities, I can get a long with them just fine, but I have to come to that realization first of knowing that they are just as human as I am and have flaws in their human nature, just like mine.

Sometimes, I fear I am “know-it-all”. I fear that because of my need to feel respected to feel loved that I don’t like to be wrong or to not know something because that would somehow make people respect me less. It would in some way deter them (and maybe myself) from being able to love me. I know this is ludicrous. I think this is one of the reasons words of affirmation are so important to me. It all goes back to not feeling good enough. Everything in our lives is so intricately connected.

So the next question is, how do I feel respected by God to know that I am loved? I know that I am loved by the Creator and Savior of the Universe…but it’s not enough for me to just know it. How do I know that I am respected? What would that even look like? I know that I certainly do not deserve God’s love or respect. I disrespect and turn from Him all the time in my sinfulness. Yet, He calls me a Saint even though I am a sinner.

The definition of Saint is, “a person acknowledged as holy or virtuous and typically being regarded as being in heaven after death.” and “a person who is admired or venerated because of their virtue.”

So my Heavenly Father calls me a Saint because of the redeeming blood and loved of His son, Jesus. This means through the eyes of Jesus, He sees me as holy, and virtuous. Because of that virtue given to me through Jesus, I am admired and venerated. to be venerated means to “regard with great respect”, He is what makes me enough.

This is how I feel respected and therefore know that I am loved. Knowing that I am admired and venerated by a God who created and saved me through His own Son’s death and resurrection. Even though I am a sinner, I have been redeemed. A saint who is set apart and holy, and who one day has the honor of being in heaven after life on this world is done.

“To you who have been called by God to be his own holy people. He made you holy by means of Jesus Christ just as He did for all people everywhere who call on the name of our Lord Jesus Christ , their Lord and ours. May God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ give you grace and peace.” — 1 Corinthians 1: 2-3

 

I like to think I am a kind person. A person who uplifts and encourages, or who always says the right thing in a situation. But the truth is that lately I have been finding myself saying things that admittedly are on my mind, but that also aren’t the most gentle things that I could say. I feel like my words can often hurt or offend the people that I love and care about.

Often we think of them as “just words”. We convince ourselves that “they didn’t mean it” or “oh, it doesn’t mean anything”. But each word that we use DOES have meaning.

When I think about myself, the words that people say to me stick with me. I remember compliments or criticisms that people have given me with great clarity. Words of affirmation or criticism are what could make or break me. The scariest part of it all is that usually what sticks with me are the criticisms people give me. I could hear 99 positive things and 1 negative thing… and that one negative thing is what I listen to, hear, and let digest. I ponder on it. I turn the situation over and over in my head, trying to figure out what I could have done or said differently to change that person’s mind.

I think that this is true of many things in our lives. We spend a lot of time focusing on the bad things. We focus on the negative things that happen instead of the good that is coming out of certain situations or our everyday lives. It’s a nasty way that the Devil tells us that we are not able to be loved or to be redeemed from it. We draw deeper and deeper into negative thinking and fall closer away from Truth.

I believe that words have power. I believe that what we say can make something true. Please do not misunderstand me – I am not saying that if someone said that the sky was hot pink enough times and believed it enough that it would happen, or that someone could make God disappear by saying over and over again that He didn’t exist. I most certainly do not believe that. What I am saying is that if you tell someone enough that they are ugly, or stupid, or a failure… that they will start to believe that are nothing more than those things and that they can become nothing more than an ugly, stupid, failure.

One example I think about a lot is all of the complaining people do about millennials and how entitled we are and how disconnected, and lazy we are. First of all those of you who are complaining – have created these monsters… we had to be raised by someone. But secondly, if you keep telling us that this is who we are – then we start believing it – and then we become exactly what you have said. Clearly we have! It’s happening right now.

Why not use the words we say to one another to uplift and encourage. To help others to grow, instead of brining them down. I think that constructive criticism is important. But this also should come from a place of love and desire to see someone mature, and grow deeper in love and relationship with our Maker.

Ultimately, what people need to know is that they are loved and redeemed by the One whose opinion of us is the only one that matters. God chooses to use us to show others what a relationship with Him looks like. What that love causes you to do when it fills your heart… to pour it out to others through your life, your actions, and most importantly your words.

²⁹ Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.

³⁰ And do not bring sorrow to God’s Holy Spirit by the way you live. Remember, he has identified you as his own,^[e] guaranteeing that you will be saved on the day of redemption.

³¹ Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior.³² Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you. — Ephesians 4:29-32 

I was scrolling through my Facebook newsfeed during my lunch break today at work and scrolled past a status about someone being admitted to the hospital. I noticed the outpouring if concern for this person as people were sending well wishes and told them they would pray for them.

My mind began to wander, as it typically does, and I started thinking what would happen if I was in the hospital. Stick with me this is just how my brain works. In my head I began to go through the people I thought might come visit me. The list kept getting longer – housemates, coworkers, friends. I was overwhelmed (almost to the point of tears – I know I’m disgusting) by the love that I feel from the people around me.

I of course also thought of my family back home in Indiana and knew the concern, prayers, and outpouring of love that would come from them. Knowing that my parents would probably make every effort to come visit me, and the calls and cards that would come is so comforting.

God created us to be in relationship – ultimately with Him, but also with one another. We can often times disappoint one another, break each other’s trust, and hurt each other. But God has given us unrelenting and everlasting grace that can flow through us to the people we meet and we can live in community with one another – a community that I feel blessed to be a part of and is filled with love, and grace, and sincerity. A community the stretches all over the country and all over the world with all kinds of people. This community is just a glimpse of what the Body of Christ can look like.

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. Colossians 3:12-17

Driving to church this morning I was thinking about the week behind me and the ways in which I separated myself from God. Let’s call it what it really is – sin. A few of them are ways that I continuously separate myself from God, not every day, or even every week, but sins that come back every once in a while to haunt me. These usually come when I am feeling overwhelmed by the world around me, or overcome with sadness for a situation and feel like I am getting lost in the stormy seas of life. I try to find comfort and assurance in these sins, when in reality they only separate me further from God and make me feel even more lost and helpless. 

So as I was driving, I began to pray – to confess my sins and seek forgiveness from God. I knew that as soon as I confessed, that God would forgive me, that He in fact had already forgiven me before I even thought about praying. But still something didn’t feel resolved. It wasn’t God – He had already done His work – it was me. I hadn’t yet forgiven myself and let go. I couldn’t stop dwelling on the past and and the ways in which I had pushed away my God who has shed His blood for me. Then I heard this –

“I forgive you, Daughter. Find rest and peace in me and my comfort, not in the world and what it offers.”

I was overcome with joy knowing that I didn’t need to be so hard on myself, because my Heavenly Father is always right beside me waiting to embrace me. I got to church and had a few minutes before the service started, and wanted to document the words my Lord said to me, and then He began to speak again – 

“Only I can fill you. I am the Prince of PEACE. Let that peace be what fills you up and comforts you when you are sad and feel like the world is too much – Because  I AM ENOUGH. You are beautiful because I made you – you are precious because you are mine. I have work for you to do, so find rest in me during this time.” 

I pray that today, you can know that your Father has already forgiven you for the sins that you are holding on to and that you can truly let go of those things that are holding you back from the joy of knowing that Christ is enough and that You are His! 

“I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.” – John 16:33