There were so many things I wanted to accomplish this weekend. Cards I wanted to write, chores I wanted to accomplish, planning I wanted to do, writing I wanted to get done. So much of it was lost in the laziness that I tried to disguise as “relaxing”.

And yet, here I sit on the Sunday night after a 4-day weekend anxious for the week ahead knowing that many of these things still need to get done in the midst of the craziness of a work week. As much as I am enjoying my new job, I also am desperate for more time to make up for the misuse of my time the past few days as I have to live with my own disappointment.

I have a habit of doing this. Not necessarily procrastinating, but of feeling guilty. Guilty that I didn’t do this or that or didn’t do it the right way. Or that I hurt someone or let them down. Or that I have these thoughts that creep into my head that I wish I could forget existed. Or that I didn’t do as well as I know I could have. 

I know that the enemy wants me to sit here and to give in to the worldly comforts that provide satisfaction and relief for the moment, but not for real. I struggle to think long-term and plan for the future, and Satan is fully aware of it, knowing he can catch me in the moment and cause me to stumble now creating days, weeks, or months of guilt and regret piling up on one another until it feels insurmountable. 

It causes me not to want to face the next day and to push away the people that I know would be the first to encourage, pray for and equip me. Instead, I only feel like isolating myself, curling up under the covers and hoping it will all go away. 

But it won’t. It will stay as long as it takes for me to face it. 

As much as I long for the next day or the next challenge or struggle to never come, I know that inevitably it is lurking in wait around the bend to shock and surprise me as though I didn’t know it would ever come again. 

Instead, what if I resisted the urge to hide from the world and give in to the easy outs now, and lived each day with the eternal perspective that I know that I have inherited through the power and blood of Jesus? If I lived each step as though the living Spirit of God were dwelling within me? As though nothing that stood in my path could stand up against the God who created the universe? 

I am praying this for each of you, friends, and I ask that you pray it for me as well. 

“The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.” — John1:5