You know those lessons that you’ve heard what seems like 1 million times in various shapes and sizes, but no matter what you do, you can learn them and know them to be true, but you cannot for the life of you put them in to practice? We all have them, I have what feels like hundreds of them. I thought about listing them here, but I don’t really have the time or energy to do that. So, if you’d like a list of my faults, you and I can block out about 8-10 hours over coffee one day. For now, I will just list one of them.

I am really good at giving grace to everyone… except myself.

There are a lot of factors that play into this, I think, but I am often so painfully self-aware that I am unable to see past the ways that I have caused any sort of pain, turmoil, or even inconveniences in people’s lives.

I’ll admit this doesn’t apply to every situation in my life, but it certainly applies to most of them.

Perhaps it’s my unending desire to grow in certain areas and I unwittingly use my graceless attitude as a motivation springboard for growth opportunities. Unhealthy motivation to be sure. But that’s why we’re here in this blog, friends.

Of course, time lessens old wounds and heals them over, but when I get to thinking about this situation or that, I become increasingly aware that those wounds never were truly healed, and I have no one to blame but myself (ironically, another matter in which I struggle to give myself grace).

You might be thinking to yourself, “But, like, how do you reconcile the fact that you’ve been forgiven by Jesus’ life, death, and resurrection?”. And I say to you, “Excellent question my friend!”

I know full well the power of grace through my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I am intimately familiar with it, by it I am humbly able to extend it to others, and weekly it brings me to tears by its sheer power and strength.

But life isn’t so simple. Human brains and emotions are complex – God created us this way intentionally. We not only live with the beauty of the intricate workings of our minds and emotions, but we live in a world where there is sin and an enemy who desperately loves to toy with them.

Maybe one day it will click for me, and I will finally “get it”, but for now I live in a self- inflicted state of gracelessness. Fortunately, I have a God whose mercies are new every morning (Lamentations 3:21-23) and who is making me new every day (2 Corinthians 4:16).

I pray this reminder over you, too. For your lessons left unlearned. For your things that are easier said than done. May you be reminded daily of His grace, and may your lesson sink from head to heart and into practice.