I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate. But if I know that what I am doing is wrong, this shows that I agree that the law is good. So I am not the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it. And I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. I want to do what is right, but I can’t. I want to do what is good, but I don’t. I don’t want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway. — Romans 7:15-19

Each day we let people down, we hurt the people we love, we say hurtful things, we are absent in the lives of our loved ones (sometimes even when they are right in front of us), and in addition, we hurt ourselves and our bodies with the decisions that we make.

We make promises to ourselves that we will do better tomorrow, that we’ll keep a smile on our face, show love to our neighbor, and live lives that reflect Christ.

Then as the day goes on, as each minute passes, we do our best to hold it together as we sink deeper and deeper back to the sin we told ourselves we would not do. We are a people in need of daily renewal and forgiveness. Who are we kidding, we need it second by second.

While loving our neighbor and ourselves is important, no amount of love from others or from ourselves will be enough to fill the gaping wounds that sin leaves in our lives. We can be loved dearly in our community and by the people around us, and be confident in our abilities or in our appearance, but still, there is sin living in us, and it is going to continue to return and pollute our relationships and our minds and we will find that we are still broken. Because the thing that I hate – this I keep on doing.

The next chapter of Romans goes on to say this:

So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus. And because you belong to him, the power of the life-giving Spirit has freed you from the power of sin that leads to death. The law of Moses was unable to save us because of the weakness of our sinful nature. So God did what the law could not do. He sent his own Son in a body like the bodies we sinners have. And in that body God declared an end to sin’s control over us by giving his Son as a sacrifice for our sins. He did this so that the just requirement of the law would be fully satisfied for us, who no longer follow our sinful nature but instead follow the Spirit. — Romans 8:1-4

I have the innate tendency to stay in chapter 7 and relive over and over the ways that I have fallen from grace, especially in the ways that I have hurt others both in action and in lack thereof.

This weekend I have sat in the muck of chapter 7… let’s be real -it’s been more like the past year. I cannot get past the guilt of how I have hurt people and made mistakes, and each time I sin, the wound seems to get deeper, more sensitive, and more susceptible to the infection of the world.

I read Romans 8 knowing that it is for me, and yet struggling to believe it in my heart. Forgiven by a God who should have judged me, but instead sent his Son as a sacrifice for my sins in order to reconcile me to Him. Amazing Love, how can it be?

Grace doesn’t make sense. It isn’t logical. A condemnation that was meant for us but that was freely taken from us and nailed to a cross. Our death defeated when Christ was raised from the dead a new life given when he ascended into heaven.

I believe this is true. I know it is for me. Will you search this truth with me as we continue to do the things we do not want to do?