I can’t think of a time when self-reflection has ever been a care-free, painless experience. Typically, when I look back at my life and my choices or take the time to ponder my current situation, there is conviction, pain, discovery, challenge, and much more. None of it is particularly easy to swallow. 

There are things that I am proud of in my life, of course. Accomplishments, relationships, challenges overcome, skills built, gifts honed. 

Life, as we know, is made up of ups and downs, highs and lows and everything in between. 

Sometimes we sit quietly in the recesses of life and re-evaluate. We conjure up new selves that will be prepared to take on the next phase of life. 

But it’s often not comfortable to complete our self-evaluation. 

I find myself wanting to get on to the next phase – now. I tell myself I can handle it. That I am ready. That there’s no reason for me to sit around and wait. Just take it by the reins and ride! 

But God pulls us aside for this time for a reason. Like a Father pulling his child from the playground and putting her down for a nap. She might fight it, but he knows what is best for her, and what she needs, even if she’s ready to continue playing. 

So, when Our Father pulls us away for a special time of refinement, it is imperitive that we don’t get to far ahead of ourselves. Or that we live in the past. 

I wish things were different in my life. I have to accept that I cannot change them. I have to meet myself where I am at. God is waiting there to begin the cultivation process.