I really don’t like to not know things. More simply put, I suppose you could say that I like to know things, but that doesn’t communicate the same feeling that I have when I don’t know things. I get upset when I don’t have the information that I need to complete a task, or don’t have information that I should have had at work. I am frustrated when I am learning about something and I can’t figure it out which then causes me to either be a fast learner or to give up on learning something because I can’t “get it”. I am sure there is a pride issue in there somewhere. 

On the other side of all of this, there is also excitement in not knowing. In surprises. And I love surprises. I love to be surprised and I love to surprise. The anticipation of waiting to see what comes next and knowing that it could be anything is a rush. 

I think this comes into play a lot with my relationship with my heavenly father. Admittedly, I think a lot about the future. Not necessarily in the sense of longing for things (although this happens too), but more often I wonder about what the future will hold. In some aspects of my life, I am okay not knowing – excited for the next surprise that God has in store, but there are other parts that I just want to know what it is going to be like, or worse, try to control and manipulate and make my own. 

Regardless of where I am at in the process of knowing, there is a truth that I always come back to: 

You have searched me, Lord, and you know me. 

You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.

You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. 

Before a word is on my tongue, Lord, you know it completely. 

You hem me in behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me.

Such knowledge is too lofty for me to attain. 

—Psalm 139:1-6

God is sovereign over all! He knows it all. I only need to wait upon him and trust that he will reveal to me what I need to know when he needs me to know it.