It’s so easy to compare yourself. It doesn’t really even matter to what or to whom. You just start believing that in some way, shape, or form that you’re not good enough. People can tell you nice things, give you compliments, affirm you, but it doesn’t matter… you’re not good enough. You can be 7 or 16 or 25 or 39 or 83…. you’re not good enough. You could accomplish great things in your life or be famous, or be a brain surgeon who has saved many lives… but you’re not good enough. Don’t you get it? You’re not good enough. Stop trying. Stop striving. Just stop. Stop everything. Stop loving. Stop living.

Is that what it comes down to? To stopping? To nothing? The struggle is real, it’s here. Somehow though, it’s not enough to recognize that it exists. You already believe that it is true. You’ve been told enough times by yourself, and the world that it takes almost no effort to believe it. I’ve been told the same amount of times that I am loved. That I am a beloved and precious child. Why can’t I hold on to that? I know how much  I am loved. but again, it’s not enough to simply recognize it.

There is some theory that I have heard before that women need to feel loved to know that they are respected and that men need to feel respected to know that they are loved. However, for myself as a woman, I think I need that respect first to know that I am loved. I need to know that my thoughts, ideas, opinions, and work are respected and valued. I don’t like being treated like a child, or like I don’t know something – that doesn’t make me feel respected which in turn definitely doesn’t make me feel loved. Those are the times when I often feel like I am hurt the deepest. It makes me feel like I am not worthy of love. If you tell me/show me that you love me and turn around and treat me like I don’t know what I am doing or talking about.

I struggle a lot with “know-it-alls”. People who consistently just assume that they know better than everyone else. I get along with everyone and never make enemies – but people who come off as “know-it-alls” make me feel as though I am not respected, and therefore I don’t feel loved. Eventually, when I get to know that person and realize their other qualities, I can get a long with them just fine, but I have to come to that realization first of knowing that they are just as human as I am and have flaws in their human nature, just like mine.

Sometimes, I fear I am “know-it-all”. I fear that because of my need to feel respected to feel loved that I don’t like to be wrong or to not know something because that would somehow make people respect me less. It would in some way deter them (and maybe myself) from being able to love me. I know this is ludicrous. I think this is one of the reasons words of affirmation are so important to me. It all goes back to not feeling good enough. Everything in our lives is so intricately connected.

So the next question is, how do I feel respected by God to know that I am loved? I know that I am loved by the Creator and Savior of the Universe…but it’s not enough for me to just know it. How do I know that I am respected? What would that even look like? I know that I certainly do not deserve God’s love or respect. I disrespect and turn from Him all the time in my sinfulness. Yet, He calls me a Saint even though I am a sinner.

The definition of Saint is, “a person acknowledged as holy or virtuous and typically being regarded as being in heaven after death.” and “a person who is admired or venerated because of their virtue.”

So my Heavenly Father calls me a Saint because of the redeeming blood and loved of His son, Jesus. This means through the eyes of Jesus, He sees me as holy, and virtuous. Because of that virtue given to me through Jesus, I am admired and venerated. to be venerated means to “regard with great respect”, He is what makes me enough.

This is how I feel respected and therefore know that I am loved. Knowing that I am admired and venerated by a God who created and saved me through His own Son’s death and resurrection. Even though I am a sinner, I have been redeemed. A saint who is set apart and holy, and who one day has the honor of being in heaven after life on this world is done.

“To you who have been called by God to be his own holy people. He made you holy by means of Jesus Christ just as He did for all people everywhere who call on the name of our Lord Jesus Christ , their Lord and ours. May God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ give you grace and peace.” — 1 Corinthians 1: 2-3